


Forget Me Not

by pork_chopss



Category: Block B
Genre: Angst, Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Team as Family, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pork_chopss/pseuds/pork_chopss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zico is a very busy man. Between promoting his new solo album and producing Block B's highly anticipated comeback, he spends most of his time in the studio and away from the members, specifically Park Kyung. As Kyung tries to fit the role of a surrogate leader while simultaneously hiding his heartache, the members start to see the effects Jiho's absence has on their favorite cucumber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where Are You

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic! Go easy on me haha. Have fun reading~

Park Kyung sat alone under his favorite tree, away from the other rowdy ten year olds in his class and away from the more than unamused faculty teacher forced to watch over them.

Most kids his age loved to run around playing tag, or pushing themselves on the swings, or flipping back and forth on the jungle gym and monkey bars. But not Kyung. He likes to spend his recess with a book on his lap, quietly reading its contents under the familiar shade and serenity of the distant cherry blossom tree.

Today was different though. In the midst of his reading, Kyung heard shuffled footsteps, like the soles of a shoe flattening the fallen petals.

“Why do you always sit here by yourself like a loner?” The intruder looked at Kyung with a straight face, arms crossed.

A little irked by his presence, Kyung closed his book. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t. I was just wondering. Don’t you have any other hobbies besides reading? I mean we read during class already and the teach-”  
Kyung had no idea why the other was rambling on like they were best friends, he just wanted to spend his recess in the comforting silence of the breeze. But it seems like his plans were ruined by this STILL talking stranger.

“Look. Did you need something? I just wanted to read my book in silence.” Efficiently cutting off what the other was saying.

“Umm… I just… I just thought you looked lonely” A tint of red made its way over the other’s cheeks.

“What?” Kyung was thoroughly confused with the stranger’s actions. No one ever really cared about why Kyung was always by himself. They usually just let him be.

“I...uh. Nevermind! Forget it. Nice meeting you” The other quickly spun around, right hand unconsciously grabbing the locks of his hair.

“No, wait! What… what were you going to say?” Kyung doesn’t usually interact with the other children in his class, but something about this boy intrigued him.

Turning around, the intruder hastily replied. “My name is Woo Jiho and I just moved to Seoul yesterday. Everyone here already has their own clique and you looked like you needed company and I don’t know. D-do you wanna be friends with me?”

Kyung’s eyes widen at the sudden declaration. Whether this Jiho person was bold or just stupid, he didn’t know. The more he thought however, it wouldn’t hurt to make a new friend.

“Sure. I’m Park Kyung. Nice to meet you.”

“Wha- Really?! You wanna be friends with me?!”

“Yeah, why not. Please take care of me from now on”

Kyung smiled and slightly bowed towards the latter. Jiho on the other hand had the brightest smile stretched on his face.

“Yah! We are going to be best friends from this day onwards!” Jiho grabbed Kyung’s arm and pulled them back towards class.

~b r e a k~

Kyung gasped as he was suddenly pulled out of the dream. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he reached over to check the digital clock on the nightstand. 3:11 A.M.

Kyung rolled over and patted the vacant spot on his- their bed. Jiho didn’t come home...again. Kyung wants to laugh, because really, he should’ve already known and expected this. But he doesn’t. The familiar ache of his heart prevents him.

Every morning for the past few months has been like this. Kyung waking up alone with a heavy heart, in a bedroom that doesn’t seem fit for two occupants anymore.

He doesn’t remember the last time he got a goods night rest, because there are no arms to hold him tight. He doesn’t remember the last time he fully enjoyed a meal, because there is no one to finish the food for him. He doesn’t remember the last time Jiho and he had a decent conversation that didn’t end in argument with hurtful words being thrown on both sides. He doesn’t remember the last time they got to spend time together, because Jiho doesn’t have time for him, not anymore.

The tears begin to fall. They always do. But Kyung doesn’t make a noise, doesn’t cry out for his broken heart because the members might hear. And that is the last thing the Kyung wants, for the members to know the pain that he is in.

With Jiho busy promoting his latest album, Kyung took the role as a surrogate leader. Kyung can see the effects Jiho’s absence has had on the members. They miss him. They miss the fun times with everyone together, when the rope that kept them connected was still there.

So Kyung tries so hard. For them. He smiles as much as he can, takes them out for lunch, makes jokes at inappropriate time just to occupy that deafening silence that surrounds them when Jiho is gone. The silence that he used to love so much, under that cherry blossom tree. The silence that he let Jiho fill.

Kyung rolls back, checking the clock. 3:23 A.M. He rises from the bed, pulls on one of Jiho’s sweaters over his naked torso, and begins his day.


	2. I'll Never Leave You

Kyung heads straight to the restroom to freshen up. Passing by each of the rooms, he makes sure to stay as quiet as possible to not disturb the others.

Once he’s in the bathroom, Kyung takes a good look at himself in the mirror. He frowns. There are deep, dark bags under his eyes, revealing the sleepless nights in his bed. His eyes themselves have lost the spark it once had, leaving behind a dull, almost murky sight. His skin is no longer that glowing white that so many fans praise. No, it has since become a sickly pale sheen that covers his entire being. He looks over his body. Kyung has always been more on the slender side, but in Jiho’s sweater, he looks akin to that of a skeleton in rags.

Lately, Kyung has taken to wearing Jiho’s clothes. He thinks that since Jiho is rarely home anyway, Kyung might as well use his oversized sweatshirts to hide how much weight he’s lost.

He knows it’s not healthy, knows that he should be taking better care of himself. But between looking out for the members and missing his estranged boyfriend, Kyung can’t find the energy to care.

With one last glance at the mirror, Kyung begins getting ready for the day.

~b r e a k~

It’s already eight in the morning by the time the first member enters the kitchen.

Jaehyo takes a seat on one of the stools looking over the array of banchan*, grilled meats, and rice prepared, already used to Kyung being the first one up. “Ahh. This looks amazing Kyunggie. Have I ever told you how much I love your cooking?”

“You’ve mentioned it once or twice.” Kyung smiles and brings over the pot of miso soup.

Yukwon and Minhyuk make their way into the kitchen next. Minhyuk being the older, goes to the cabinet and pulls out seven bowls while Yukwon takes a seat next to Jaehyo.

“Hurry up hyung! I’m starving.” Yukwon nearly drools as he looks over prepared dishes.

Minhyuk places the bowls and chopsticks down on the table. “Alright you brat. Wait for the others to come before you start eating.” Yukwon pouts, but waits nonetheless.

As if on cue, Taeil walks toward the dining table with a not so coherent Jihoon following behind.

“Look who woke up on the wrong side of bed.” Yukwon grins at the maknae.

They take a seat at the table and Jihoon immediately places his arms and head down.

“Leave him alone. We stayed up pretty late last night playing video games.” Taeil pats the younger’s head, who has probably already fallen back asleep.

With everyone present, the members begin to eat their breakfast.

The kitchen is quickly filled with small talk and occasional laughter. The members talking about everything and anything going on in their lives.

Kyung doesn’t talk or eat, just listens. Their voices morphing into a comforting buzz inside his head, keeping the slight migraine at bay.

His eyes rest on an empty seat at the opposite end of the table though. He suddenly feels a wave of sadness wash over him.

Jiho doesn’t have breakfast with them anymore, but the members always leave a bowl and a pair of chopsticks just in case he decides to stop by one day.

“Jiho! JIHO! Slow down. I can’t run that fast.”

But it’s too late. Kyung has already lost sight of his friend in the crowd of amusement park goers.

“Goddamnit. ‘Let’s go to Lotteworld,’ he said. ‘It’ll be loads of fun,’ he said.” Kyung growls under his breath, frustrated with Jiho, who dragged him to the park only to disappear as soon as they got in.

He doesn’t like it here. Sure, most teens would love going to the world’s largest indoor theme park for their 16th birthday: playing arcade games, sharing food, riding the ferris wheel and other attractions.

But Kyung is not like most teens.

He hates the noise level of the place. The thousands of voices all speaking at once, the screeching of the roller coasters, the different kinds of music coming from the many machines, all jumbling together and blaring so loud he could barely hear himself think.

And there’s too many people. Strangers walking to and fro. Bodies bumping into him left and right, front and back. Never stopping to even excuse themselves. It's stiffling.

And it's becoming too much. The noise. The skin contact. He is surrounded by so many people but is all alone.

Kyung can feel his heart rate picking up. He was never one to engage in these types of activities, preferring to be in the sidelines, away from the attention. But Jiho insisted that Kyung step out of his comfort zone and enjoy the freedom of being sixteen.

Yet here he is by himself and in the midst of having a panic attack. Kyung curses at his supposed best friend

There is a hand that grabs his suddenly though. Pulling him away from the overbearing crowd and under the vacancy of a tree.

“I’m so sorry.”

Jiho’s hold on his arm tightens, but he doesn’t notice, still recovering from the near panic attack.

Suddenly, Jiho’s hands are gone and there is a light weight around his neck

“I saw this in the shop and just had to get it. Do you like it?”

Kyung’s fingers traces the curve of the tag on his neck and he lifts it to his face.

Woo Jiho

The name is engraved on the necklace with a small image of an anchor at the end.

“I have a matching one with your name on it also. So now people will know that I am yours and You are mine”

Kyung looks up at his friend. Jiho is smiling like an idiot, eyes closed from how far his cheeks are stretched, holding out his own necklace in pride and pure happiness.

k… -ng!

“I’m sorry about earlier. It will never happen again.”

… -yung!

“I’ll never leave you alone. I will always be there.”

Kyu- ... !

“I promise.”

KYUNG!

Kyung abruptly snaps back. All the members are looking at him with concern in their eyes.

“Sorry, what?”

“You were spaced out dude. We were calling your name for like 5 minutes.” Yukwon's infamous smile isn’t there. He gives Kyung a worried gaze.

“Oh. My bad. I was just… remembering some stuff. What were you saying?” Kyung smiles trying to relieve the members of their worry, but they can all tell that it’s forced.

Minhyuk is the first to speak. “Jihoon was asking why you’re always up first making food, but you don’t eat with us anymore. Is something bothering you, Kyung?”

“No. Of course not Minhyuk hyung. Everything is fine. You all worry too much.” Kyung lightly-heartedly laughs and plasters on a smile again.

No one believes him.

“But you look thinner and have dark eyebags hyung…” Jihoon boldly states what all the other members have been thinking for awhile now.

“Is it because of Jiho? We’re okay now, Kyung. You don’t have to carry all the responsibilities by yourself.” Jaehyo looks for a reaction from Kyung. Nothing.

A suffocating silence fills the room. Each member, and not for the first time, regretting what they told Kyung months before.

 

~6 Months Ago~

Jiho has been gone for a month, preferring to stay at the studio and sleeping at a friend’s house while he’s working on promotions and producing music rather than coming home. Although he warned them of his temporary departure, the effects of Jiho’s absence is starting to weigh down on the Block B members.

They are all settled in the living room with the TV on, but no one is actually watching.

“I really miss Jiho hyung. How long is he gonna be gone?” Jihoon voices what’s on everyone’s minds. Their leader was the glue that held them together. He was the one they could all turn to for help anything that was troubling them.

But now that he hardly ever goes back to the dorm, maybe once or twice a month to pick up a few things, the members have this built up stress that they can’t release. Their temper grows shorter. They find themselves getting ticked off easily by the very own people they considered brothers. What used to be said casually as jokes are now taken as insults and no one dares to joke with another fearing that it will lead to an argument.

Kyung sees the rift in the relationship, but doesn’t know how to fix or prevent it. He’s not Jiho, and is constantly aware of it.

He can’t fill in Jiho’s shoes, not the way the members expect him to. Kyung couldn’t prevent the dejection from arising among the members a month ago, and he can’t prevent the argument that is about to ensue now.

“Jiho’s busy. He’s not gonna be back anytime soon so get over it.” Yukwon glares at Jihoon as if he was the most irritating existence in the world.

Taeil looks back just as intensely in Jihoon's defense.“Hey! Hoon was just asking. You don’t have to snap at him!”

“He asks the same goddamn question EVERYDAY. Jiho apparently has more important things to do than han-”

“Would you all just please shut up? Believe it or not, but some people actually don’t like the sound of two bickering boys.”

Yukwon’s brows furrow, unamused as he was cut-off mid rant by Jaehyo whose eyes are still on the television, not really watching

“Why you little...”

Kyung knows what’s about to happen and he desperately tries to stop it. “Guys, that’s enough. We are all just a little tense since Jiho has left. But let’s not fight. We’re a family remember?”

Jaehyo sneers at his comment while Yukwon rolls his eyes. Jaehyo speaks first.

“You too, Kyung. I’m so sick of you always butting in our arguments.”

“Yeah! We’re not children. Stop trying to fix everything, you’re not our leader and it’s getting annoying.”

Their words pierce him like a knife. But knows they aren’t wrong. He just looks at them, having no words to say. Even Taeil and Jihoon join the others in their remarks.

Taeil habitually adjusts the the glasses frame on his head. “Seriously, Kyung. No one is in the mood for your attempts at leading us. It’s just not the same.”

“No offense hyung, but just because you and Jiho hyung are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you can do what he does.” Minhyuk nods in agreement.

Kyung looks around the room, at all 5 of their distressed faces.

Can’t they tell that he was trying his best to not replace Jiho, but to cover for him until he returns? Can’t they see that he’s hurting too? That may be, out of all of them, it could be Kyung, Jiho’s boyfriend, that is missing him the most?

And it breaks Kyung’s heart because he has just proven them right.

He is weak. He allowed his heartache to become a burden to the members. Jiho would’ve never let the tension between the group escalate to this.

Kyung takes a breath. He tells himself to stop being selfish and to think of the members. He will do his best to console and treat them the way they deserve to be treated.

For however long Block B needs Kyung to be the sub-leader, and until Jiho returns, he will endure. Kyung decides to keep his sorrows and self-loathing to himself. Only when he is in the confinement of his own room will he let the pain engulf him.

But for now, he needs to be strong, even if it’s just pretend…

“I’m sorry that you all feel this way. I didn’t intentionally try to replace Jiho, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. But the reality is Jiho is not here. He’s working his ass off to make Block B successful while trying to promote for his solo career at the same time. And I’m sorry that I’m weak, sorry for considering my own feelings before yours, sorry for being selfish and expecting you all to be okay when I’m not either. I’ve already disappointed you guys... but I- I’ll do better. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but just until Jiho returns, please bare with me for alittle while longer.”

Kyung's voice cracks near the end. He turns around and walks straight into the room that Jiho and he used to share, leaving the others alone with the weight of his words.

The remaining members look at each other, eyes filled with guilt as the realization of their hurtful words dawns on them.

They had just released all their pent-up frustration on Kyung.

The Kyung that says cheesy jokes and makes derpy faces whenever they start missing their leader. The Kyung that is always there to listen to their problems and confort them. The Kyung that goes to bed last every night because he needs to make sure all the members are sleeping with ease. The Kyung that is the first to wake, making sure food is always on the table by the time the groupmates rise.

The same Kyung that was probably hurting the most because of his boyfriend’s departure, who was only trying to remind Block B that they were brothers and shouldn’t fight.

Their sad eyes drift towards the closed door that Kyung just entered through.

They then meet each other's’ eyes, silently agreeing to stop all the arguments and snappy remarks. They vow to try harder, for both theirs sakes, and Kyung’s.

~End of Flashback~

If they could take their words and actions back that evening, they would’ve. But it was too late.

Kyung stopped talking to them about his feelings and struggles 6 months ago. And no matter how much they pressed, he would just smile and say that he was fine.

It would’ve been believable if they didn’t hear his muffled sobs every night.

“Kyung?” Minhyuk says lightly, breaking everyone off from their similar thoughts.

“...I-” Kyung stares at them, at every one of them. How badly he wanted to tell them how tired he was of everything. He wanted to confide in his brothers like he used to.

He wanted to tell them how much he misses Jiho and what he would give to have him in the same bed again, how he can barely stand the sight of himself in the mirror, how he knows he should eat more but can’t, how he can see his cheeks and eyes have sunken in, and how he wanted them to make the pain go away.

But Kyung made a promise. He promised to try harder, to not be a weak leader. So he lifts his head and smiles.

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Kyung, it’s okay.You ca-”

“Now, if you all are done eating, I’ll start cleaning up.” Kyung already begins stacking the bowls and brings them to the sink.

Minhyuk’s shoulders slump as he sighs. “Yeah… We’re done. Thanks for the food, Kyung.”

“Thank you for the food,” the other members solemnly repeat as they all leave the table, resigned.  
With heavy hearts and a guilty conscience, they take one last look at Kyung’s back profile before making their way back to their own rooms.  
When Kyung is sure that every member has left, he reaches inside his shirt and pulls out the necklace. He runs his thumb across the imprinted name... and lets a single tear drop.


	3. It's a Promise

It was already July. A month has passed since the confrontation at the breakfast table and none of the members dared to mention anything about Kyung’s physique again.

It wasn’t because they were scared that the brunette was going to flare up at them, just the opposite in fact. What frightened them was how silent he’s been for the past 7 months. He’d only make a few comments occasionally whenever they were together or slightly chuckles when something funny comes up.

The members don’t remember the last time they’ve heard their cucumber actually laugh, that toothy laugh that made his eyes squint shut and mouth stretch from cheek to cheek. And no matter how hard they tried, they were only awarded with a small smile that never seemed to reach his eyes.

That smile is what scares them the most.

The dead, emotionless grin that was meant to reassure them that he was alright. But they know him better, know that he’s not. In the years that they’ve known each other, Block B has never felt so useless.

Kyung is in his room, a place where he likes to hide when he’s not hanging with the others. Yukwon, Minhyuk, and Jaehyo are situated on the sofa in the living room. Taeil sits in the recliner while Jihoon sits crossed-legged on the floor. The living room residents absentmindedly staring at the television.

“Hey. Kyung hyung’s birthday is this Wednesday isn’t it? We should do something.” The giant maknae looks a the members with hopeful eyes. He really loves all his hyungs and hates that Kyung is so distant from them lately.

Minhyuk nods his head, thinking of an appropriate gift to get their sub-leader. “You’re right. I could order some balloons and banners tomorrow for a small party. We can celebrate here, just Kyung and us.”

“Yeah! We’ll have cake and music and barbeque and party hats and everything. It could really cheer him up.” Yukwon chimes in excitedly as he thinks of the color returning to the younger brunette’s eyes.

“But what about Jiho? What if he doesn’t come…” The members deflate immediately at Taeil’s words.

It’s true. They all want their greasy, bubbly Kyunggie back, but if Jiho bails, their efforts are going to be in vain. Their frustration is quickly directed towards their leader.

Yukwon curses at his missing friend. “Freakin’ Jiho! -or should I say Zico. Always too busy to hang out.”

“I’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t show.” Jaehyo clenches his fists and punches the air to show that he meant it.

“You’re not the only one.” Minhyuk and Jihoon agree at the same time before facing each other with a surprised look. The members burst into laughter at the duo’s actions, breaking the serious atmosphere.

“What’s so funny?” A small voice interrupts.

Their attention falls onto the subject of their concern. Smile once again plastered on his face, he is somewhat leaning on the wall for support, looking smaller than ever in an oversized hoodie -probably Jiho’s- and if possible, complexion even paler than before, ghostly white like a corpse’s.

Kyung has always been petite. But standing in the living room entrance, hoodie sliding off at one shoulder, eyes almost hollow, he looked so… vulnerable.

“Umm… guys?” Kyung’s pulls them back from their trance. His head is tilted to the side cutely, forehead wrinkled, with a worried expression.

“Oh, ahh… We were just talking about your birthday coming up. What flavor cake do you like?” Yukwon grins at the other, intentionally not mentioning their discussion of Jiho.

“It’s alright guys. You don’t have to do anything.”

“Nah-uh-ah. We ARE doing something whether you like it or not. So why don’t you just make our job easier and tell us which flavor, princess.”

Ignoring the nickname, Kyung gives in. “Fine. I want something with vanilla and strawberries.” Everyone smiles at the answer. The birthday celebration may not be such a bad idea after all. “Vanilla it is.” Yukwon takes out his phone ready to pre-order the cake for Wednesday.

~b r e a k~

Wednesday, July 8th, doesn’t come quick enough as the Block B members race around the living room and kitchen area, hanging up banners and streamers and setting up the table. They sent Kyung out to pick up a cake about 45 minutes ago, but little did he know that they planned for a surprise party also.

Taeil is in the middle of taking off the foil covering of the various platters of barbecued meat and vegetables when he calls over towards the living room area. “Did anyone hear from Jiho yet?”

“Yeah. He said he’ll come by later after he finishes an interview with some magazine.” Minhyuk‘s words calms everyone’s nerves. Everything was going according to plan and the members couldn't wait to see a true smile on Kyung’s face after so long.

“Hey Hoon. Where’s the real cake? Bring it over here to the table.”

“He’s gonna be so surprised when he sees this cake, Taeil hyung.”

The members look around, proud at their handiwork. There are colorful streamers hanging from the ceiling, food prepared and hot on the table, balloons were strung on every corner and one big one on a chair, soft music was playing in the background, and the 2 layered cake was waiting at the counter.

Yukwon smiled and faced Jaehyo. “What kind of cake did you tell him to get?”

“Nothing extravagant. I sent him to the Baskin Robbins downtown for a strawberry ice cream cake. He has no idea that we ordered the layered pastry cream birthday cake from the bakery,” Jaehyo cheerfully said, giddy with excitement.

A ringing noise interrupts their conversation as Kyung’s voice comes on over the monitor. “Guys! I got the cake, let me in.”

“Speak of the devil. Okay everyone, hide!” That is the last thing Jaehyo shouts before buzzing Kyung in. He turns of the lights and ducks under the table with the rest of the members.

As the the birthday boy walks in the dorm, not even noticing that the lights are out, he puts his keys away and sets the cake box on the counter. “You guys wouldn’t believe the traffic. A random guy just cuts m-”

“SURPRISE!”

Kyung turns around at the sudden shouts, mouth agape, eyes wide. He looks towards the party decorations and balloons floating. He sees the array of grilled meats on the table and catches a glimpse of a large cake in the back of the kitchen. What really catches his eye is the large banner hung above the members’ heads, saying ‘Happy 23rd Birthday Cucumber’ written in bold letters.

He then eyes all of the members. Jihoon is standing behind Taeil, holding up the shorter's arms and waving them back and forth in an energetic manner, both laughing sheepishly. Yukwon is standing to their left with two party hats adorned on both sides of his head, grinning happily at Kyung’s expression. Jaehyo has on a party hat also and is holding his hands out, displaying the impressive amount of food on the table. And lastly, Minhyuk walks towards Kyung and puts the cone-shaped hat on his head too. Adjusting the elastic string under the latter’s chin, Minhyuk looks straight into Kyung’s eyes. “Happy Birthday, Kyung.”

Kyung stands there and stays silent. Not because he doesn’t want to talk, but because he has nothing to say. He is speechless.

“We know it’s been hard on you lately and things aren’t easy like they used to be… But we love you, bro. You can lean on us when times get hard. We’re family, you could never be a burden to us.” Everyone nods, lifting their heads to face the birthday boy. There caring looks conveying that they all agree with Yukwon’s statement.

“You guys… Thank you. I- I love all of you too. I don’t know what to say.” Kyung stutters but smiles. An  
actual smile that crinkles his eyes, and shows how truly grateful he is of their thoughtful words and actions.

And for the first time since Jiho left, the members of Block B think that they are going to be alright. Things are beginning to look up.

Jihoon’s forceful cough ruins the moment. “I don’t know about you, but I am ready to eat!” Taeil lightly smacks the younger’s head for being so blunt. “Pabo.”

Kyung giggles at their antics. “Haha. Let’s eat before our maknae becomes cranky.” With that, everyone makes takes a seat at the table and begin passing around the food.

~b r e a k~

It’s been a long time since they’ve seen their Kyunggie speak so much or laugh so effortlessly. No one says anything about it, but they all honestly miss the sound of his voice.

They are all slightly buzzed. For the past hour, they’ve done nothing but eat, drink, and exchange silly stories from the their pre-debut days.

A nostalgic, but comforting aura resides over the dinner table. They talk about incidents that happened while they were on stage, forgetting lyrics and dance moves, or bumping into each other while performing. They burst into fits of laughter as memories of their first year as idols, wearing tasteless and cringe-worthy outfits to promote. They argue over who actually did have the best derp and girl’s dance on the variety show Weekly Idol.

Their current situation was so familiar, yet so refreshing.

The tacky ringtone of a cell phone brings the members back from their stroll in memory lane. “It’s Jiho.” Minhyuk answers the call and puts him on peaker. “Yah! Jiho-ssi, we already started eating. When are you coming?”

Before he could answer, Yukwon shouts over the receiver. “Better hurry up before fatty Jaehyo eats all the meat!”

“Hey! Who are you calling fat?! My abs were on the cover of Men’s Health!”

“Oh please. We all know that was airbrushed on. Kekeke”

“I’m about to wipe that smirk off your face, Yukwon. Come here and-”

“I’m not coming.”

Jiho successfully cuts off the squabbling pair. Everyone quiets down, looking at Minhyuk's phone, waiting for the person on the other line to explain.

“I can’t make it. Some of my buddies from the studio want to treat me out for dinner as a thank you for our hard work. I can’t decline their offer.”

Jihoon slams his fist onto the table. “So you’re gonna ditch your best friend’s- no, boyfriend's birthday to hang with some buddies you met while promoting? Are you serious right now, hyung?”

“...”

Kyung waits for his reply, yearns for it. He wants Jiho to tell them that he’s changed his mind. He want Jiho to say that he’s coming home right now to celebrate his birthday with all them. He wants Jiho to remind him that his absence is only temporary, that he’ll be back sooner rather than later. He wants the blonde rapper to tell him that he misses him too, that Kyung is not the only one hurting.

But Jiho doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry. You hear me right Kyung? Happy Birthday, babe! I promise, I’ll make it up to you, just wai-”

Kyung shuts of the phone before his boyfriend finishes. He doesn’t want to hear anymore. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jiho… It only makes it worse.” Kyung snickers, but it’s bitter. It’s nothing like the laughs they shared just moments before.

“Pfttt. Who needs him anyway? We could have so much more fun without him!” Yukwon tries to lighten the mood and looks to Taeil for help. “Oh, uh, yeah! We were were enjoying ourselves anyway before that Jiho brat called,” Taeil quickly adds with a nervous laugh.

The remaining members continue to look at Kyung, silently hoping that the phone call did not revert him back to the quiet and awfully distant person they’ve grown accustomed to. Maybe it's the alcohol that was making his emotions feel so raw, but Kyung doesn’t say a word. Just scoots his chair back and stands.

Jihoon tries to stop him. “Don’t do this, hyung. Common, we were having so much fun, don’t leave.”

And that’s when they all notice it. Kyung’s eyes are filled with unshed tears, tears that he refuses to let fall. “I’m fine. It’s just been a long day and I’m really tired. I think I’m gonna go to bed early.” And that false smile is once again on his face. The members hate it.

“We haven’t even cut the cake yet, and you haven’t blown your candles.” Jaehyo’s voice almost sounds pleading as he grabs onto Kyung’s retreating wrist. Kyung pulls away, however.

“Really, thank you for everything hyungs and you too, Jihoon. I couldn’t have asked for anything more on my birthday. But I’m not that hungry anymore, just eat the cake without me.” Kyung doesn’t even wait for a reply before he turns around and shuts the door to his room. 

The last thing they hear from him is the lock being turned on the knob, leaving them to their own devices.


	4. Don't Forget

Jihoon slowly makes his way out of bed, the events from last night’s party preventing him from sleeping very long. He checks the time on his phone while yawning loudly. “It’s only 5:15, so early,” he pouts at no one in particular. With one last stretch of his body, the giant maknae quietly wanders out of his room.

He walks down the hallway, occasionally peeking through the doors left ajar to check on his still slumbering hyungs. A soft smile stretches across his lips as he watches their sleeping forms. Minhyuk and Taeil are sleeping soundly, warmly wrapped inside the comfort of their blankets. Jaehyo has somehow kicked off his blanket and has limbs flailing off the side of the bed, drool sliding down his open mouth. Yukwon’s position isn’t much better, although sounds of snores leave his mouth instead of saliva.

Jihoon’s expression drops though at the sight of Kyung’s open door. He could’ve sworn that the elder had closed and locked it last night. The maknae confirms his suspicions when he comes to the entrance and sees an empty bed. Blankets are already neatly folded and the linen is tucked under the mattress.

Soft murmuring draws his attention away from the vacant room and towards the living area. Jihoon could already see the faint glow of a light from the hallway, signaling a person’s presence in the early hours of the day. Not wanting to be seen, Jihoon creeps towards the light, peeking his head through the entryway.

Kyung is kneeling in front of the coffee table, hands clasped together, facing the open window. His eyes are closed as his mouth forms words that Jihoon can’t hear.

It’s dusky outside, still too early for even the sun to fully rise. However, the sliver of sunlight that does creep through illuminates the praying form. And it’s the first time that the youngest member actually gets a good look at Kyung’s face.

His skin is still as flawless as before, but dewy, and not the flattering kind of dewy either. A sickly kind of complexion with a film a stress evident on his features. The rays seemed to only make the hollows of his cheeks deeper and the bags under his eyes darker.

That’s when it finally hits the observing figure standing in the hallway. How long has Kyung been up? He checks his phone again to reaffirm the time. 5:27 A.M. the device displays.

Jihoon turns his head back to the elder. He knows better, but couldn’t help himself as this could be the only time Kyung’s guard was down. With resolution, he strains his ears to hear the other’s words.

“-sorry. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this already, but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I was a bad friend. I’m sorry that I am an even worse leader. And I’m sorry that I’ve been a bad boyfriend. But I can’t do this. I can’t do this without him. I can’t do this by myself…” Kyung voice begins breaking. And although Jihoon can’t see it, he can hear the tears threatening to fall.

“I’m trying so hard, b-but it’s not enough. I keep slipping up in front of them and it’s making feel like crap… I’m making them worry over me when I’m the one that’s supposed to be looking out for them! I can’t even do that right.”

Jihoon can see the frustrated furrow between the elder’s brows. Kyung’s hands are grasped so tightly that they’re shaking at this point. No, how could you think like that. You being here, taking care of us is already enough, hyung.

“I-I just… I want him back, need him here… with me, with us. I miss him, but it’s like he’s forgotten. I can feel him drifting away and as much as I chase after him, he runs faster. Please. I don’t ask for much, so just this once. Please, bring him back to me. Don’t let him forget the memories we shared, don’t let him forget all the hardships we’ve endured, don’t let him leave…”

He can feel the tears start prickling his own eyes as Kyung covers his mouth to muffle the escaping sobs. Jihoon doesn’t know what to do. He wants to punch something, or specifically someone. He wants to run to Kyung and make the pain go away, all of it. He wants Kyung to open up to the rest of the members. He wants everything to go back to the way it was. But instead, he just bangs his head back against the wall.

Unfortunately for the giant, behind his head rested a picture frame. The frame falls off its hanger and onto the hardwood floor with a loud clatter.

“Hello? Is someone awake?” Jihoon can hear Kyung rise and begin to walk towards the hallway. He panics.

When Kyung does arrive at the entryway, the maknae stretches his arms and feigns a yawn. “Oh, Kyung is that you? I just got up,” he says tiredly.

“Jihoon-ah, why are you up so early? You shouldn’t be walking around in such a tired state.” Kyung chides softly, crouching to pick up the encased photo. He freezes when he flips the frame over however. Jihoon drops down to his knees to see what stopped the elder.

The younger’s eyes widen as they both stare at the crack in the glass. The same crack that splits right over Jiho’s face and body in their group photo.

Remembering the Jihoon was still there, Kyung morphs his face into a tired smile. “I’ll go buy a new frame for this later. Would you like to help me prepare breakfast, dongsaeng?”

As the brunette faces the taller, Jihoon can clearly see the remnants of the tears. They’re smeared over his face messily, probably because Kyung was trying to hide the fact that he was sobbing. There is a tint of red presiding over the shorter’s nose and cheeks and his eyes are bloodshot, voice still shaky with grief.

But Jihoon does them both a favor and ignores Kyung’s obvious signs of crying. “Yes, of course Kyunggie hyung.” He decides to consult the others on the matter later, but for now, he’s going to be there for his hyung.

~b r e a k~

Being the maknae and all, Jihoon has actually never cooked before. He caught the meat on fire over the open flame and burnt nearly all the beef. He mixed up the salt and sugar when flavoring the stew. He then accidentally crumbled all the grains of rice while washing them before Kyung told him to cut the vegetables. Even then, he ended up cutting his fingers more than the actual food.

Jihoon apologised profusely every time Kyung entrusted him with a task, and it all went to shit. But the elder, always so kind, simply bandaged his injuries and patted him away to an easier job, while he fixed the monkey’s mistakes.

An hour later and they somehow got steaming hot food on the table, without it tasting like it came out of Jihoon’s ass.

“Sorry I destroyed the food rather than help you make it, hyung. hehe, “ Jihoon laughed at the elder nervously.

Kyung tiptoes to pat the taller’s head. “No, you were wonderful Jihoonie. Thanks for helping me and thank you for setting up the table.”

“So, what do we do now, hyung? I mean, the food is done, but no one’s awake yet and it’s not even seven.”

“I was up a bit earlier than usual today and already did the laundry, so I guess we could just chill on the couch until they’re up,” Kyung suggested to the latter. But then a thought occurred to him. “Say, why were you up so early anyway? What time were you awake?”

Kyung asks out of genuine curiosity, however, the other still panics. “Uhh, I couldn’t sleep very well last night, so I came out to get a… umm, a glass of wat- NO! Milk. Yeah, a glass of milk. But I guess I was so sleepy I bumped into the wall and knocked over the picture frame… haha yeah. That’s what happened.”

The short cucumber gives the younger a pointed a look, but drops the discussion. “Ah, I see. Well try to get some more rest later okay?” Kyung asks but it comes off more of a command. “Yessir!” They both laugh while they got comfortable on the couch.

And that’s how the members found the duo nearly two hours later.

Kyung’s head rested on the maknae’s lap with his hands clasped under his cheek, body curling up into a little ball. Jihoon sits with his entire body leaning against the couch, head fallen back with loud snores leaving his open mouth, one arm wrapped protectively around the waist of the slumbering figure using him as a makeshift pillow.

“Awww. Look how cute our dongsaengs are,” Taeil swoons at the sleeping pair.

“They must’ve gotten up early to be sleeping this soundly. Leave it to our maknae to get the cucumber to finally sleep.” Jaehyo shakes his head, smile evident on his face.

“Yukwon! Yukwon! Give me your phone, I want to take a picture!” Minhyuk all but harasses the other for the device.

“Wha- Stop it! I am trying to eat! Use your own phone. H-hey, stop that hurts!” Taeil and Jaehyo laugh at the other pair making a ruckus in the kitchen.

It’s been awhile since they had such a normal morning, or as normal of a morning as Block B can get, but it’s nice. No awkward silence. No fake laughs or smiles. No concerned glances at a particular brunette. Just a typical Thursday morning, having breakfast with their surrogate family, and having the two babies sleeping on the couch.


	5. Do You Remember

Kyung groaned as he woke up to the sounds of laughter from the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes and shifted a bit when he realized there was a larger, snoring figure beside him with an arm slung over his waist. Kyung sprung up at the intruder’s presence. Could it be?! “Jiho?” He looked up quickly hoping that his boyfriend was finally home.

To his disappointment, he saw the monkey lying on the couch, deep in slumber. The sight of the younger snoring so loudly made him feel a little better though, as he got up and placed a nearby blanket on the dozing giant. “How long was I out?” Kyung thought aloud.

“It’s already noon, Kyung. We came out for breakfast earlier and found you two out cold on the sofa.” Minhyuk answered from the kitchen table.

The brunette turned his head towards the sound of the voice, finding the rest of Block B at the table. They were all dressed in their day clothes and having afternoon tea with some snacks. “Oh shoot! I didn’t make lunch yet, huh? I am so sorry guys, I should’ve gotten up earlier.” Kyung zoomed to the fridge looking for any ingredients he can put together for lunch quickly.

Jaehyo came over and closed the fridge. “Kyung, relax. Minhyuk hyung already bought some food for us earlier. We’re good. We saw you and the monkey brat sleeping earlier and didn’t have the heart to wake you guys.”

“Yeah! And we even got pictures for blackmail later on. Haha” Minhyuk declared loudly as he proudly held up Yukwon’s phone.

“Aish, you… I still don’t understand why it’s on my phone. I barely have enough storage now because of you!”

Kyung couldn’t help but let out a laugh at his brothers. “Well, I guess that’s that. Still, I feel bad. How about I make some kimchi fried rice for us later?” The brunette suggested knowing how all of them love his fried dish. The excited nods he got in return only made his mood brighter.

“By the way, how early were the two you up for that brat to be snoozing so heavily over their?” Taeil asked the younger since he remembered them going to bed pretty late last night.

“Oh, I was already awake when Jihoon came out. It was maybe 5 or 6 in the morning. He was still so out of it that he knocked over the pic-”

“Wait, did you say you were up before 5 in the morning? What time did you actually wake up, Kyung? Because I heard you showering last night and it was already midnight.” The happy atmosphere instantly dropped. The realization of the Minhyuk’s discovery directing everyone’s attention to the brunette.

“Uh, I really don’t see how that matters…” Kyung begins rubbing his hands together out of nervousness.

“It matter to us, man. What time did you sleep, or did you even sleep at all?” Yukwon, usually the goofball, is completely serious out of concern for one his best friends, a person he considers a little brother.

“I-I… I just haven’t been sleeping well, alright? It’s nothing you guys have to worry yourself over so don’t. Seriously, what’s up with the third degree?” Kyung stammers out coldly, but he felt like bolting at that very moment.

“Kyung, we’re just worried about you. We’re your family too and just-”

“You guys are so loud. Can’t get a wink of shut eye.” Jihoon comes out of nowhere, awoken by the chatting group in the kitchen.

Not realizing that he just interrupted a serious conversation, the maknae innocently blinks at the 5 members in the kitchen who are staring at him. “Umm, did I miss something?”

Kyung take this opportunity and quickly answers before the others could. “No! We were, uh, we were just talking about what to eat for dinner. Kimchi fried rice sound good?” Confusedly, Jihoon nods his head. “Umm, sure…”

“Look, Kyung,” Minhyuk starts.

But Kyung was having none of it. “Great! I’m gonna go to the grocery store to pick up some things. So when I get back, you can help me make food again, yeah?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, hyung.” Jihoon tries to tell the other.

Completely ignoring the the younger, Kyung grabs the keys and hurriedly leaves the building with a shout of “I’ll be home later,” before shutting the front door.

Once again, Kyung leaves the remaining members alone in the kitchen. A sense of deja vu hits the Block B members as this was the exact same thing that happened last night, but sadly, they were the ones who pushed him away this time.

They were all still staring at the door when Taeil speaks up. “Does he realize that he’s still in his pj’s?”

~b r e a k~

Kyung regrets leaving the dorm in such a haste when he gets a glimpse of his outfit in the reflection of some thrift store. “Ugh. Seriously?”

He looks over his messy bed hair, the strands sticking out at odd angles. He’s once again wearing one of Jiho’s sweaters, the sleeves covering the tip of his fingers. The red neckline is a bit too large for his small frame so it exposes his collarbones. And to top it all off, he’s in his most comfortable joggers and a pair of old slippers.

All in all, he looked more like a resident homeless man on the street rather than a well known idol. “I guess it can’t be helped. I am not going home, at least not yet.” Kyung lets out a sigh as he thinks about the other members. I messed up again. Aish, Kyung. Get yourself together so the members don’t have to worry about you anymore.

Kyung looks around to see where he is currently, trying to remember the route to the grocery store. Although he could drive and does own a car, the brunette always preferred walking.

It’s something about the way the breeze rushes over his face and how easily he could observe everything. He sees the birds flying together in that signature “V” shape, he sees father carrying his baby girl over his head, both laughing loudly, he sees an elderly woman painting the scene of the boisterous city life in front of her, he sees the smoke from a lit cigar swirl into unidentifiable shapes and figures.

Walking tends to calm any of his raging nerves, giving him space and and an eerie emptiness in his over-worked mind. No one really bothers him or notices him, given his unappealing outfit, he just blends in with the rest of the city dwellers.

As his mind clears, making way for his quiet observations, he sees a young couple walking into a movie theater. The way they hold onto each other tightly, the loving looks passed between the two, and how they look as if the other was their entire universe. And everything comes crashing back to him.

He remembers Jiho’s callused hands grasped in his smaller, softer ones, his thumb gingerly rubbing the back of Kyung’s own. He remembers the not-so secret, loving glances every time they performed on stage, speaking more words than they both needed. He remembers the spontaneous midnight date Jiho would take them to whenever their schedules were open. He remembers the illuminating glow of the candles, the boldness of the moon watching over them, the sweet whispers passed between them. Kyung remembers all of it.

And with each memory, he feels his heart break more and more, and it’s unbearable. His head is suddenly filled with the too many bright signs and lights, the sounds of the honking cars and chattering civilians, the suffocating heat emitting from the car engines, the smell of the smog and garbage.

It’s too much. Kyung shuts his eyes and covers his ear, trying to escape the overwhelming city. Calm down, Kyung. Breath, in and out, just breath. His attempts of reassuring himself is futile though as someone accidentally bumps into him.

Someone grabs his arms and pulls him away from the crowd though. Relief fills the short brunette as he takes in a couple more breaths, hand on his chest.

When he is finally calm enough, Kyung straightens his back. Jesus, I haven’t had a panic attack since the time I went to Lotteworld with Jih-

Kyung snaps his head up abruptly. Turning to face the stranger who he expected to be none other than his boyfriend.

“Are you okay now, hyung I thought it was you, but I wasn’t so sure because, ah, how should I say this? You’re usually, um, dressed more… formally?” The iKon leader rubs the back of his head as he greets the shorter.

Kyung recognizes the younger right away. Shoving away his disappointment for mistaking someone else for his boyfriend the second time that day, he smiles and greets the other. “Hanbin, it’s good to see you. What are you doing here? How have you been?”

The two friends hug each other, albeit awkwardly because of Kyung’s height and the younger not wanting to be rude. “I was on my way to go grab some food, but then I saw you over there… umm, kinda freaking out I guess.” Hanbin rubs the back of his head again sheepishly, not wanting to pry the elder.

Kyung blushes at the fact that Hanbin saw him have a panic attack, and even pulled him away from the busy street. It’s Kyung’s turn to laugh sheepishly. “Oh, you saw that? Haha. It happens sometimes, don’t worry about.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to call Jiho to pick you up or something?” Hanbin asks the other out of genuine concern. Kyung didn’t look very well earlier and Jiho would have his head if he let his precious boyfriend faint.

“Really, I’m fine. I was just about to go shopping for some food at the grocery store.”

“Why don’t I come join you, hyung. I’m not really doing anything right now.”

“Sure, if you’re not too busy that is. We could go grab something to eat too since you haven’t had lunch yet, right?”

“Nope. Let’s go.”

The two make their way into the store.

Kyung found it surprising how easily he could talk to the younger. Hanbin never questioned why he was dressed the way he was, didn’t comment on how skinny he’s gotten, or even mentioned his “episode” earlier. The younger just followed as Kyung showed him which ingredients to grab, listened while Kyung explained what he was going to do with each portion, laughed whenever Kyung told a joke, and stayed in a comfortable silence when neither of them had anything to say. Hanbin even paid for the groceries saying that it was the least he could do for all those times Kyung has paid for iKon’s meals.

Their shopping was really quite pleasant, at least to the shorter brunette. He didn’t have one of his frequent migraines, he didn’t have to worry about how to act in front of the members, his heart didn’t ache for Jiho, and Hanbin was just a really enjoyable company. The younger knew exactly what to do and say to keep the elder at ease.

And now, both of them were sitting outside a local cafe simply chatting about their own groups. Hanbin ordered a plate of tteokbokki* while Kyung requested for a mug of hot tea.

Kyung snorts as the taller devours his meal. He eats totally like Jiho when he’s hungry. So cute.

“Yah, hyung! Why are you laughing at me? Is something on my face?” The younger asks the brunette, mouth still full of the spicy rice cakes.

“Haha. No. I was just thinking of how much you eat like Jiho-yah. That guy always eats his food so monstrously.”

“Does he? Speaking of which, where is Jiho hyung? I haven’t seen him around lately.” The rookie leader finally swallows what’s in his mouth to ask.

“Probably in the studio or out with his friends. I’m not so sure, he doesn’t really check in anymore…” A sad smile rests itself in Kyung’s face.

“Well that sucks, I ought to give him a piece of my mind. What kind of jerk doesn- OW”

Kyung immediately looks up at the other's outburst. “What? Oh my god, are you okay, Hanbin?!”

“Owowow! I thik, I bith mah thunnngg.” Hanbin has tears at the end of his eyes.

“Here, drink some of my tea.” Kyung hands the younger his mug, which Hanbin takes and chugs immediately.

“AHH. Izz hoth! Owww, iz hurths even merr!” Hanbin begins frantically fanning his mouth, creating quite a scene.

Kyung loses it and bursts into laughter, loudly.

“Sthawp iz, hyung. Izznoth funnay!” Hanbin pouts at the elder, but Kyung just laughs harder.

“I can’t! Haha. You’re too much Hanbin pabo. Hehe.”

People are staring at the lively duo, but Kyung doesn’t care. It’s been too long since he’s felt so free from all the stress. Hanbin juts out his bottom lip, clearly not getting what was so funny. Kyung continues to giggle at the younger.

“Yah! Kyung, what the hell are you doing?” A voice shouts from across the street. A very familiar voice he’s grown to love, and lately, hate.

The brunette turns around to find the man that he’s been yearning for, for the past few months, running towards them. It doesn’t seem real, not even when that figure is standing in front of the duo’s table.

“Jiho…” The name glides out of his mouth effortlessly. His hand unconsciously grabbing at the tag around his neck.

“So what is this? A date or something?” Jiho’s voice sounds angry. Kyung recognizes it as jealousy

“Ah, hyung. Nice to see you. We were just having some lunch. Care to join us?” Catching the ounce of fury in the blonde’s voice, Hanbin tries to ignore the pain emanating from his tongue to speaks properly to the older intruder.

“That’s not what I asked. Are you guys on a date?” Jiho repeats, voice going an octave lower.

“Oh no! I would never, I mean, I saw Kyung hyung heading to the store earlier and just thought I’d join him.”

“Good. That’s all I need to know. Let’s go, Kyung.” Before he even has time to argue, Jiho pulls Kyung up by his wrist and wraps his other arm around the elder’s waist possessively.

“Thanks for taking care of him, but I got it now. See you, Hanbin.” Jiho waves at the younger and drags Kyung away towards his car, leaving Hanbin alone at the cafe.

~b r e a k~

Kyung was sitting in the passenger side of Jiho’s car. They’ve been driving for about 10 minutes to god knows where. Silence fills the vehicle, but it’s not a pleasant one.

Kyung doesn’t know when things have become so strained between the two. He used to think that they were one, body and soul. And they once were, both like two peas in a pod. They understood each other perfectly, sometimes even finishing each other’s sentences. Kyung was always there when Jiho was overworking himself, always the one to pull him back into reality. And in turn, Jiho would be there for him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear whenever he had one of his anxiety attacks.

But right now, Kyung feels as if he’s sitting next to a stranger, because the man that is driving is not the one he grew up with.

He’s not the one who insisted that they’ll be best friends when no one want to talk to the loner reading by the tree. He’s not the one who carried him all the way to the nurse office when he sprained his ankle during P.E. in 8th grade. He’s not the one who flew all the way to New Zealand to take him back to Korea so that they could produce music together. He’s not the one who used a cheesy pick-up line to finally ask him out when they were on one of their “outings”. He’s not the one who randomly confessed “I love you” when they ran through the rain, soaking wet, trying to get back to the dorm.

No, it couldn’t be the same person because that very man promised to never leave him. So, the only thing Kyung can do is keep the memories of his Woo Jiho in the piece a metal that hangs loosely on his neck.

Kyung speaks out, not taking the strangling silence any longer. “That was really rude what you did back there. Leaving Hanbin like that.”

“What was I supposed to think, Kyung!? I was just gonna grab something to drink when I find my boyfriend happily having lunch with another guy!” Jiho doesn’t yell, but it’s loud enough that Kyung flinches back a little.

“You and I both know it’s not like that. I was alone and he just happened to accompany me.” Kyung says quietly, not liking what Jiho was implying.

“Bulshit! I was the one who introduce you to Hanbin. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way he sneaks glances at you.” Jiho is fuming at this point, but it doesn’t compare to the anger that rises within Kyung.

“So what of it, Jiho?! What’s wrong with me hanging with other guys, huh? It’s not like you’re even home to keep me company! You are too busy at your fucken studio hanging out with your new fucking friends! So I don’t want to hear any of this “who you can and who you can’t hang out with” lecture from the likes of you!” Kyung’s face is read from his rage.

“Babe, I told you. It’s only temporary. Until I’m done with the promotions and album, spending my time in the right crowd is necessary. Give me a break here, I barely get to eat or sleep with my schedule and the last thing I want was to find you all over another man!” Clearly, what Kyung has said has not gone through that thick head of Jiho’s, so Kyung continues his rant.

“Fuck you, Jiho. I had a panic attack and you weren’t even there to pull me out, it was Hanbin who did. So I did the humane thing and let him tag along because he was worried about me, something you don’t even care about.”

“What? I care about you.”

“Shut it, I’m not done, asshole. For half a year, you don’t call, you don’t come home, you won’t even talk to me, Jiho. And it sucks that you’re not here, it really does. You don’t know how many times I’ve tried to reach you, just to be answered by your goddamn voicemail. I-I just want you to come back to me. I feel like you’ve forgotten everything we had.” Frustrated tears are spilling out of the brunettes eyes but he holds his gaze, piercing right into the blonde.

Jiho pulls over and parks the car. He already new Kyung was crying by the crack of his voice, something he recognized from years of being with the other. He then faces the cucumber and lays a hand on his cheeks, gliding his thumb across the soft skin to wipe away the tears.

Kyung lays his hand on top of the bigger one on his cheek, and moves it so that it’s over his mouth. Jiho can feel Kyung’s hot breath on the palm of his hand, and it instantly subdues his earlier irritation.

“I really really miss you, Jiho-yah,” Kyung mumbles faintly into the palm, eyes closed, embracing the familiarity of what is Woo Jiho.

Jiho surprises the shorter and pulls his hand away from the face, only to intertwine it with the smaller one.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put you through, but I’m doing this for you. It’s always been for you, Kyunggie.” Kyung leans back on the seat, still looking at the blonde with glossy eyes.

Jiho could get lost in those eyes forever. But it’s not a good time. He refuses to let himself rest until everything is finished. Still, he has to make it up to his boyfriend somehow.

“How ‘bout you and I go catch a movie? It’s been a long time since we’ve gone to the theater together. What do you say?” Jihoon wiggles his eyebrows suggestively knowing how Kyung would react.

“Are you sure you’re not too busy for me?” Kyung says sarcastically to the other.

Jiho take their intertwined hands and lifts it to his mouth, He kisses the back of Kyung’s hand and looks into the other’s eyes. “For you, babe? Never.”

At that, Kyung does smile. He can’t hate Jiho, not for long anyway. They share too many memories, been with each other for too long, know one another too well. And Kyung finds himself falling for the blonde all over again. He nods his head weakly and faces the front.

Jiho chuckles and begins driving to the theater.

When they arrive, Jiho and Kyung bicker over what movie to watch. But being the one at fault, Jiho gives into the older’s pick of some jungle movie.

Jiho pays for the tickets and they go in hand and hand to the lobby. The blonde insists to buy snacks and popcorn even though Kyung says he just ate, which was a complete lie. In the end, Jiho bought a large popcorn, 2 large drinks, and a box of chocolate covered raisins reasoning that if Kyung doesn’t finish, he’ll eat the brunette’s portions.

Kyung misses this. He misses the way Jiho spoils him, the loving gazes that he makes sure Kyung sees, how easily they fall into a conversation. It was perfect.

The duo take their seats in the middle of the empty theater. They came right on time, the beginning of the movie starts playing as soon as they sat.

“You know, I was gonna watch this movie with the other members, but I’m glad I’m watching it with you, Jiho-yah.” Kyung shoves a straw into his mouth to hide the creeping blush, a little embarrassed at what he just said.

“Me too, Kyunggie. I lov-” A buzzing stops Jiho mid sentence.

The blonde reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his vibrating phone. “Uh, I need to take this.” Kyung stares at Jiho, straw still in his mouth, but only because Kyung is biting anxiously on it.

Jiho answers the phone with a polite greeting. Series of yes’s, okay’s, and will do’s leaves the younger’s mouth as the conversation on the phone continues. With a final nod and a good-bye, Jiho shuts his phone.

He looks at back a Kyung, meeting his eyes for the umpteenth time that day, and says “I have to go. I’m really sorry.”

Kyung should’ve known. He can only blame himself for thinking it would be this easy. And although he truly misses it, he knew he didn't deserve the happiness.

As Jiho gets up to leave, before his brain could think, Kyung uses both his hands to cling onto the taller's arms. “Don’t go.”

Those two words ring loudly in Jiho’s ears. “Please, Jiho. Stay.” It takes all his will power to pull away from those hands, but he does it. “I can’t, Kyung.” He doesn’t even look at the other when he says it, knowing the expression that is probably on the brunette’s face.

Jiho has to remind himself that he’s doing it so both he and Kyung can live better, more successful lives. He doesn't want a repeat of what happened in their last company. With that last resolve, he jogs out of the cinema.  
~b r e a k~  
Some time has gone since Jiho left Kyung all by himself. 10, 20, maybe 30 minutes have past? The brunette doesn't even know. In those moments, Kyung doesn’t shed a single tear. He sits mindlessly like a broken toy. Because that's exactly what he feels like, a used toy that was ruthlessly thrown aside when it wore down.

He finally gets up and leaves the auditorium, snacks forgotten. He doesn’t really care about the movie anymore, just knows he has to get away from this place.

The movie rolls over the end credits, “Bear Necessities” playing in the background. But both occupants of the movie have long since gone.


	6. We're Here

Back at the dorm-

The Block B members are all situated in the kitchen, eating the Subway sandwhiches that Minhyuk bought for them earlier. The only sounds that fill the room are the rustling of the parchment paper and the crunch of their bites. The five boys are seemingly all lost in their own thoughts. Minhyuk bought a sandwich for Kyung also but it’s been more than an hour without a word from their cucumber.

In all honesty, everyone is quite worried since the brunette has never gone 30 minutes without checking in with one of the groupmates. “How long does it take to buy groceries?” Yukwon’s voice sounds irritated but they know it’s just to hide his concern.

“Of course you wouldn’t know. It’s not like you’ve ever actually done chores before.” Jaehyo tries to lighten the mood but it doesn’t seem to help as the members get even more worried when another minute ticks away.

The groupmates have absolutely no idea what to do. Their bodies are telling them to leave the dorm and go find their missing sub-leader, but the more rational side of their brains are advising them to stay put and give Kyung some space.

“Aish! This sucks, we should be going after him! What if he’s in trouble?” The maknae burst from the silence, mind not able to take any more waiting.

Taeil rubs the monkey’s back soothingly. “We don’t know that, Hoon. He hasn’t called yet, so maybe he’s just not in a mood to talk to us.”

“That’s exactly the problem, Taeil-hyung! He hasn’t called any one of us, and that brat always calls.” Yukwon throws his hands up frustratingly.

“We seemed to really upset him earlier. Let’s just give him some more time to cool off.” Minhyuk, ever the rational one, suggests to the others.

“I hate how it feels like we’re walking on pins and needles around him all the time. I know it’s not his fault, but… ugh. Fuck Jiho.” Yukwon lowers his head, chin resting on the table with a vexed face.

Jaehyo was just about to scold the other for using such a harsh word, but is stopped by a loud boom of thunder, followed by more quiet ones. Everyone stops in their tracks as the pitter patter of raindrops fill the room, gradually getting heavier.

“What is this? I don’t remember seeing rain in the forecast,” Jaehyo says instead.

There is a moment of silence as the members stare out the window. However, it is quickly interrupted as Jihoon speaks up. “Guys. Kyung was walking to the store, wasn’t he…”

Their eye’s widen suddenly at the giants words. “Shit,” Minhyuk curses. They all bolted out of their seats, scrambling towards the door, food forgotten. Carelessly throwing on their shoes, they leave the building with the loud roar of the engine and the screeching of tires.  
~  
“Call him again,” Jaehyo yells as he makes another turn, going way above the speed limit.

“I did! He’s not picking up!” Despite what he just indicated, Yukwon dials the number anyway. He waits as the the phone rings for the sixteenth time in the past 15 minutes. “It’s me again, call me back when you get this message, Kyung! You’re scaring us,” Yukwon yells over his phone, leaving another voicemail.

Jaehyo looks in the rear view mirror at the 3 sitting in the back. “How about you, hyung? Can you pick up the location of his phone anywhere?” Jaehyo glances hopefully at their eldest.

“I’m trying but it says his phone is offline,” Taeil informs. 

“Who knows, maybe he’s just stuck in a shop without signal. Don’t be so pessimistic, guys.” Minhyuk tries to ease their worry, but to no avail.

They look helplessly out the windows of the vehicle. The sky is glum, greyish in color. No one is out on the streets due to the pouring rain and the thunder continues to rage loudly, mocking the Block B members as they desperately search for the brunette.

“Wait! Hyung, pull over!” Jihoon’s face is suddenly pressed up against the window.

“What? We’re supposed to be looking for Kyung, not stopping fo-”

“PULL OVER NOW.” Jihoon shouts, his powerful voice forcing the the driver to park at the curb instantly.

They all make their way out of the car and into the hazardous rain. “Is there a reason you stopped us at the park, Jihoon?” Minhyuk asks the younger, already shivering from the cold.

The giant maknae is not even facing the others, squinting as he points to the park’s cherryblossom tree tunnel.

Yukwon scowls. “Yes, it’s very beautiful. Now can we get back in the car an-”

“No, not that. Look at the bench!”

They follow Jihoon’s command and try to look for the structure from across the street. A few seconds pass when their eyes land on a lone figure lying across the expanse of the seat, in the middle of the monstrous torrent.

“Kyung!” They call the name repeatedly as the members sprint towards the body.

“Yah! Cucumber, answer us!” Minhyuk calls over the distance, but still no reply from the brunette.

Their hearts drop when they finally reach their sub-leader.

His eyes are closed, hair and body soaked in the unrelenting rain. The few articles of clothing cling to his thin body as he lies motionless on the wooden bench. His pale skin and lips take on a blueish tint, scarier than the white color they’ve associated his complexion with. The only thing assuring them that instant was the slow, too slow, rise and fall of his chest.

Jaehyo snaps out of it first. He takes his coat off and hands it to Taeil, who is the one standing closest to the unconscious figure. “Here. Quickly, wrap him in this.” At that, everyone takes off their extra layer to hand to their hyung.

“We need to take him home now, questions later.” Minhyuk tells the others, stopping both Yukwon and Jihoon as soon as he saw their mouths open.

Minhyuk picks the younger up, carrying him and the bundle of coats bridal style, and races back to the car, the members following closely behind. He isn’t even surprised that Kyung ways next to nothing in his arms, body cold and still unconscious. He shuts his eyes painfully. It was a discussion for later, but right now, he just wanted to get their little brother home.  
~  
Jiho barges into the older’s room and makes himself comfortable on the bed. “Hey, Kyung-cucumber! Let’s go watch a movie.”

“What? No. Get out. And stop calling my cucumber, the members are catching on.”

“Common. I really want to see that new Spiderman flick,” Jiho says in a whiny voice.

“Then go by yourself, I’m busy.”

“No you are not. Our schedules are clear until next month, so stop making excuses and just come with me.”

“Jiho-yah, I said I don- whaa!” To Jiho’s pleasure, Kyung let out a not so manly scream when he’s picked up by the larger. “I am not taking ‘no’ as an answer,” the blonde grins cutely.

“Put me down, Ji!” Kyung hits Jiho’s chest repeatedly wishing that the taller would just let him go. But to Kyung’s utter annoyance, the brat completely ignores him and hums a tune as he makes his way to the car, the brunette slung over his shoulder.

Jiho ungraciously plops the other down onto the passenger’s seat and makes his way to the driver’s side. He pretends not to notice the death glare that Kyung is directing at him and turns on the audio as he pulls out of their driveway.

10 minutes have gone and the cucumber still has yet to say a word. He gave up on his death glare tactic as Jiho continues to feign ignorance at his friend’s obvious displeasure. He goes for the “silent treatment” approach expecting to get better results, because he knows how much Jiho can’t stand silence.

The blonde already breaks. “Alright, I’m sorry for dragging you along without permission. Now will you just talk to me?” Jiho uses his aegyo* voice hoping the other would show mercy.

Kyung doesn’t speak, doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that the leader was addressing him.

“Kyunggie. I said I was sorry. How can I make this up to you?” The brunette quirks a brow, but still doesn’t reply.

“Jeez, you’re so stubborn. Okay. I’ll get you dinner afterwards, yeah?” 

Silence.

“Fine, fine, fine. I’ll buy you anything you want to eat, so please say something to me, jagiya*.” Jiho hates that his voice sounds so desperate, but when it comes to Kyung, he’s willing to suck it up. The brunette blushes at the nickname, though it disappears as quickly as it came.

The shorter faces him then, mischief evident in his eyes. “Anything?” Jiho swore that Kyung purred the word.

“Yes, anything.” The blonde slumps as he resigns himself to his fate.

“You’re going to regret your words, Woo Jiho. I already feel bad for your wallet, but my stomach is going to be so happy.” Kyung smiles innocently, taking no regard to the driver’s cringing expression. What did Jiho do to deserve such cruel punishment? Oh yeah, he pissed off the greasy devil spawn named Park Kyung.

The movie theater kindly gifted the two a private room showing free of charge since the manager was a BBC and didn’t want any sasaengs* bothering her VIP guests. To show her support for the rookie group, she even threw in free popcorn and drinks, to which they gratefully accepted. The duo took one last picture with the generous manager before taking a seat in the empty auditorium.

“I can’t believe she did all this. We even got free snacks, Kyung!” Jiho excitedly shuffles in his seat to get more comfortable before the movie started.

“Yeah, that was really nice of her. Now you have more money in your pocket for dinner later, Ji. Who knows, you may not even have to wash dishes after tonight.” The blonde stops in the middle of putting popcorn in his mouth, the buttery kernels falling out of his hands one at a time. The reminder of the deal they made in the car has him reaching towards his wallet, making a silent prayer for its well being.

Kyung’s face is gleaming, facing towards the monitor in front of them as the movie begins playing, content with Jiho’s reaction. 

When the movie is finished, it’s already 10 at night. “It’s kinda late, we could just take a rain check if you’d like, Jiho-yah.” Kyung suggests considering the younger’s habit of overworking himself even when they were on break.

“Shush you. We are going out for dinner, I already made reservations.” The brunette is pretty shocked about the declaration. Jiho was with him the entire time since he first barged into the older’s room, so he was curious to when the Block B leader actually called in to reserve them a table.

“I know what you’re thinking. Just be quiet and go along with it.” So Kyung does just that without hesitation. 

It takes them nearly 20 minutes before they finally arrive at the Brera, one of Seoul’s best italian restaurants. Jiho parks the vehicle and opens the door for the other and leads him inside.

A little thrown off by the other’s actions, Kyung stops and looks at his friend. “Jiho, what is this? I know I told you that I was going to empty out your wallet, but I was just joking. We don’t have to eat at such an expansive place. I saw a fast food joint down the street, we could just go there instead.”

Jiho couldn’t help but laugh at the other’s rambling. “Haha. You’re so cute. Didn’t I tell you to shut up and go with it.”

At that, Kyung shuts his mouth and looks away bashfully. Still, he nods his head at the other. “Good,” the blonde smiles.

“Excuse me mister Woo, but your table is ready.” A waiter with a funny looking mustache appears out of nowhere. He leads the duo to an excluded room, dimly lit with a single chandelier and flickering candle lights.

Soft,classical music is playing whimsically in the background. A table is set in the center of the room, red petals scattering the carpet floor around it. Plates, napkins, and cutlery are positioned exquisitely on the table, with a single rose in a vase placed as the center piece. And lastly, a bottle of sparkling cider sits in a chilled bucket imitating that of wine. 

Kyung has so many questions, but keeps his mouth shut as Jiho pulls out his chair, offering him a seat.

“Would you like us to bring out your meals now, Sir?” With a nod, the waiter bows deeply and leaves to retrieve their food.

“You already ordered for us too? Wow, I’m impressed Jiho.” Kyung’s elbows are on the fabric of the white table cloth, chin resting on his own intertwined fingers. He gazes at the blonde thoughtfully, the corners of his mouth quirking into a sly smile.

“Making music and eating are not the only things I’m capable of. You do know that right, Cucumber?” The brunette snorts and they both laugh, enjoying the sweet sounds coming from each other.

The waiter returns with a tray of food balanced in one hand and two glass cups in the other. He sets a plate of chicken alfredo in front of the older and a plate of pork lasagne for the younger. He then pops the cork off the sparkling cider bottle and pours it into the two glasses. He lays the remaining basket of freshly baked bread and platter of butter on the center of the table. Lastly, he offers garnishes of black pepper and parmesan before politely excusing himself back to the kitchen.

They two fall into an opulent atmosphere, talking casually to each other. The rumbling of their voices, echoing laughter, and sounds of delighted hums dance around the room. They spoke as if they were the only two on the planet. Company controversies, album deadlines, promotion dates, and anything work related was forgotten. The only thing the two cared about was the presence of the other.

If the waiter hadn’t come back to check on the pair, they could’ve and honestly would have spoken to each other the entire night, effortlessly. But he does, and interrupts the duo with a faint cough. “I am so sorry for interrupting your evening, sirs. But would you like me to bring out the cake now?”

“Cake? What’s the occasion?” Kyung asks as a joke, but the other begins to fidget out of nervousness.

“Hey, you okay there Ji? You’re starting to look red.”

“Oh, uh. It’s probably just your imagination, haha.”

Kyung is about to refute when the waiter arrives back at their table, two slices of strawberry cheesecake on both plates. Kyung squeals from happiness.

“Cheesecake, my favorite! You sure know your way into a man’s heart don’t you, Zico.” Kyung playfully uses the other’s stagename and winks. Jiho thinks the brunette cannot get any greasier and rolls his eyes as a result. They break into laughter at their own play.

“Speaking of which, I need to tell you something.” Jiho gets out of his seat and walks over to the elder. He kneels beside him and takes the smaller hands into his own bigger ones.

“Umm, Jiho?”

“Shh. Wait ‘till I’m done or you’re gonna ruin the moment.” Kyung giggles, but nods in understanding.

“Park Kyung,” the blonde starts. The person being addressed simply hums in response.

“I’ve known you for 9 years now, almost a whole decade. And for every day that I have known you, all 3,529 of them, I have never once regretted befriending you under that cherryblossom tree. Don’t ask me how, but the first time I saw you sitting alone, completely content with just you and that book, breeze blowing softly through your hair, I knew in that moment… I knew that we would be best friends forever.”

Kyung sucks in a breath, a nostalgic smile creeps in the corner of his lips at the memory. He waits for the other to continue.

“At least that’s what I thought until the day you broke my heart and went to America to study abroad. Well, I guess it was kinda my fault since I moved to Japan first. But I kept thinking, how in the world was I supposed to continue my life with you. I thought we’d be together forever, but we were oceans apart. I was sulking for a good year, even if you did call me every night, it wasn’t the same as having you here.”

The elder looks a Jiho sadly, remembering those few years they were apart. It was hard on both of them, trying to keep a long-distance friendship that was slowly drifting away as they got busier with school and moved on with their lives.

“It was during that time that I started writing. The melodies flowed around my head and the lyrics found themselves on paper, it was euphoric. I finally knew what I wanted to do with my future, and realized that you had to be part of it. My inspiration, you were the meaning in all my words, the thoughts behind my tunes, and I needed you back with me. So, I did the most rational thing at the moment: booked a flight across the world to get you back. Haha. Now that I think about, that was pretty reckless of me. I mean, I didn’t even know if you were gonna come back to Korea with me or not, having spent years abroad already.”

Kyung laughs at the kneeling figure because he recalls the events of that day vividly. The blonde idiot literally barged into his classroom, mid lecture, and demanded to speak to the cucumber privately. Jiho was lucky the teacher didn’t call security and kicked his ass out of campus.

“You know, I was terrified.” Jiho reels his attention back, voice thick with emotion.

“I was so scared that you would’ve had new friends, that you would’ve had a new life… that you’d forget me and everything we had. I honestly didn’t know how I was supposed to go back to Korea alone with just an old mixtape and lyrics on scrap paper, and still make it in the industry. But you surprised me. You didn’t change at all, not even your height. Haha. You hugged me, talked to me as if I never left, and immediately agreed to come back with me. I swear, I had never been so happy in my entire life. We were able to start a new journey together, just you and me against the world. And we did, man. We made it with the big boys.”

Kyung’s eyes sting with unshed tears. Through the ups and the many downs, they’ve both endured, and were always there for each other. Jiho looks up and smiles at the brunette, still holding onto his hands.

“I planned all of this tonight because I want to start another journey with you, jagiya. In those 9 years, I’ve learned a lot about you. I found out that even though you look like a cucumber, you actually hate eating them. You like quiet places like the park where you can read quietly. You buy shoes with higher insoles to make yourself look taller. You absolutely love cooking and get excited whenever you get to try a new recipe. You hate when I come into your room without knocking. Cherry blossoms are your favorite flowers. You’re scared of spiders. You pick your nose when you think nobody’s watching. You secretly steal my shirts and think I wouldn’t notice. All these things I’ve learned to love about you. You are the only person I think of every day and night, for every second. And I truly, I love you, Kyung.”

Jiho’s ears are red, but he holds his gaze towards the older boy. Kyung’s hand tremble at the younger’s confession, taking everything in.

“Do you remember that necklace I bought you on your 16th birthday? Well, I took it to the shop and got today’s date engraved on it.” Jiho pulls out a black box from the back of his pants and holds it out in front of the other. He then opens it, revealing the engraved necklace that Kyung kept safe in his drawer all these years. When Jiho had the time to do all this, he didn’t know, but he was glad the blonde did.

“As cheesy as this is, cheesier than that cheesecake you’re eating, will you Park Kyung give me the honor of being your boyfriend?” Jiho is still looking deeply into the brunette’s brown orbs, the other has yet to say a word. For Jiho, it feels like hours have gone by without a reply, but it has only been a few seconds. The blonde breaks a sweat from anxiousness as he sees Kyung open his mouth.

“Did you seriously order cheesecake just so you could use that line?” Kyung looks down at the blonde, unamused.

“Uhh. That depends. Did it work?” Jiho sheepishly uses one of his hands to scratch the back of his head. “Ah, I knew it was a bad idea. I jus-”

Kyung kisses that other’s cheek suddenly, a chaste but sweet peck. Their eyes connect again, Jiho’s widen at the unexpected smooch. But Kyung simply smiles at the leader’s aloof expression. “Yeah, it worked.”

The blonde’s shocked expression morphs into a radiant smile, mouth stretching cheek to cheek. “So that’s a yes?! You said ‘yes’?!”

Kyung laughs again because it seems like the younger has forgotten how to speak. “That’s a definite ‘yes’, pabo.” 

Jiho cheers loudly. He takes the necklace and places it around the other’s neck, then taking the smaller body into his own, engulfing his boyfriend in a hug. “Oh god, you actually said ‘yes’. I love you, I love you so much.”

“Me too, Ji. Me too” Kyung takes his arms and wraps them around the taller’s waist. They stay like that for a while until they had to leave. The duo gets back into the car a make their way home, hand in hand. Both are extremely satisfied with the result of their date, and are grateful for the other’s feelings.

Kyung is about to fall asleep on the trip back, eyes already closed. His hand is lifted though. Jiho brings their clasped hands to his lips as he kisses the back of the brunette’s and whispers, “I promise. I will always be there for you. You are my everything.”

Content with Jiho’s assertion, Kyung drifts into slumber, his boyfriend's words swirling in his head, comforting him in dreamland.

 

The brunette’s eye snap open. He lifts himself off the bed, body feeling heavy and mind hazy. Kyung blinks a few times clearing his vision and groggingly looks around.

He’s home, in his own room, in his own bed. It seems to be night time as the sky from his window is nearly pitch black, the bedside lamp being the only source of light in the dark room. He stretches his arms out in front of him to find that he’s no longer wearing Jiho’s red sweater.

Jiho

In that instant, the events from earlier crash back into him. The reunion with his boyfriend, the argument in the car, the movie, the moment Jiho left him, actually left him there alone at the theater. Big, round tears pool out of his eyes as his breath hitches.

He remembers running out of that place, not even knowing where his feet were taking him. And somehow, ending up in the national park, sitting on a bench under the cherryblossom trees. 

He remembers observing the happy couples strolling through the reserve and thinking how unfair it was. Kyung thinks he may have fell asleep or something because it goes blank from there.

Kyung doesn’t even suppress his sobs this time, because he’s just so done with everything. He tries so hard, for both the members and Jiho, but nothing was ever enough. Time and time again, he disappoints them and himself. He literally gives his all, but nothing useful comes out of it: the members probably find his presence burdensome and Jiho obviously doesn’t care about him anymore, else he wouldn’t have left.

He was like a lost soul wandering the earth. Kyung turns his head to right and faces the mirror.

He thinks his face looks hideous. Dark, swollen eyes, sickly pale skin, harsh cheekbones, and crusted lips are the things that look back at him. And he absolutely hates it, hates himself. Words like useless, unwanted, intolerable, problematic, oppressive, incapable, worthless pops into his mind as he continues to stare at his reflection. They’re unrelenting and pound inside his skull. He’s scare, scared because they hold so much truth.

Kyung climbs out of his bed, blankets falling off as he rises. He walks towards the mirror, lifts his fisted hands and strikes the glass. Loud cracks are heard as the shards wall onto the floor and embed themselves in the brunette’s knuckles.

But he doesn’t stop. The bloodied fist continuously pounding, impacting the glass again and again. And Kyung cries out, hard.

The room to the door is bust open as the members come rushing in. They immediately stop at the site that greets them. Broken glass litters the floor. Blood is smeared all over the wrecked mirror, dripping onto the carpet underneath the kneeling figure.

“Kyung…” Minhyuk takes a step closer.

“DON’T!” The elder immediately freezes at the raw voice.

“Don’t come closer,” the brunette says in a softer tone. “Don’t pity me. Don’t help me. Don’t be burdened by me. Don’t do anything, I’m fine.” Kyung sadly smiles at them, but the tears betray his words.

“Let us help you, bro. Let us in,” Yukwon implores desperately.

The one being confronted shakes his head slowly. “It’s okay. Just leave me alone.”

“We can’t do that, Kyung.” Minhyuk speaks up again, taking another step forward incase the other does something he’ll regret.

“And why the fuck not?!” Any ounce of tenderness is gone as Kyung finally meets their eyes. 

A mixture of pain, anger, sadness, uncertainty, and exhaustion are evident in the big brown orbs. “Why can’t you guys see that I’m not worth it. Why can’t you see that I’m nothing but a problem to you all? Why can’t you see that I’m dispensable, that you guys don’t need me?” His breathing is laboured as he painfully chokes out his feelings.

“Because it’s not true! None of it!” Jaehyo yells out, exasperated at the younger’s confession. The 5 boys come closer towards their broken brother. But they stop their advance as a remote nearly collides with Taeil’s head.

“I SAID LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! GO AWAY, ALL OF YOU,” Kyung all but roars at the members. ”Stop pretending that you want me here. Stop pretending that you need someone like me watching out for you guys. I’m not capable of doing it, I can’t do anythi-”

Jihoon is suddenly in front of him, wrapping his arms around the smaller body, holding him close. And right there, the flood breaks loose. Kyung wails heart-breakingly into the broad chest, loud and agonizing cries. The maknae hugs him tighter, ignoring the the blood on his shirt and the shooting pain coming from the shards cutting into the insoles of his feet.

The remaining four huddles around their maknaes for support. The members silently cry along with their shattered brother, his sobs piercing every part of their being.

His weeping eventually slows down to sniffles and hiccups. “I’m s-so tired. I just… I-I didn’t want any of this. It hurts so m-much, I’m so sorry…” The tears seem endless, continuing to leak out of the brunette’s eyes.

Minhyuk plays with the brown locks, whispering soothing words. “Shhh. You have nothing to apologize for,” he smiles.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. We’ll always have your back.” Yukwon grips the younger’s hand reassuringly.

Moments past when Kyung’s breath evens out. Occasional sniffs mar his peaceful sleep, but it’s enough for them to move him into the living room.

Jihoon lays the slumbering body onto the futon carefully and tucks a pillow under his head. Taeil quickly brings over a bowl of warm water and a rag, thoroughly cleaning the bloodied hand and picking out the shards of glass. When he was done, the eldest gingerly wrapped the hand in bandages and set it back onto the abdomen of the sleeping figure, tucking the blanket around him lovingly.

“Alright, Hoon. Get changed and I’ll do you feet next,” Taeil instructs the other while he heads to the sink and rinses the towel and bowl. “Yes, hyung,” Jihoon replies tiredly.

Minhyuk, Jaehyo, and Yukwon come out from the hallway with futon mats, blankets, and pillows. They quietly push away the furniture to make space for the makeshift beds and lay the mattresses around the snoozing cucumber.

The monkey comes back out to see the arrangement of bedding. “We’re sleeping out here tonight?”

“Minhyuk hyung thought it’d be a good idea since we haven’t slept together in a long time,” Jaehyo informs the other, who nods in response.

The Block B members fall into a cozy silence, no one wanting to mention the whole fiasco that happened earlier. When Taeil was finished patching up Jihoon’s feet, they all settled into their own mattress, Jihoon and Yukwon taking the closests position to either side of the brunette. 

One by one they say their good nights, kissing the sub-leaders forehead before cocooning themselves in their own blankets. Yukwon rests his head on Kyung’s shoulder hoping to provide some sort of comfort to the younger in his sleep. Similarly, Jihoon clings onto the other’s arms and hands, scared that he might disappear if he doesn’t hold on.

Almost as if he feels the overwhelming amount of love and care from his encircling members, Kyung relaxes in his sleep and eases into the cushion. The room quickly fills with soft breaths and snores as the Block B family sleeps away their troubles. And for the first time in months, Kyung sleeps soundly, surrounded by the protectiveness of his brothers.

~

Aegyo* - a cute display of affection often expressed through a cute/baby voice, facial expressions, and gestures.  
Jagiya* - honey, sweetie, love, darling; used between couples in a relationship to address each other.  
Sasaeng* - an obsessive fan of a Korean idol, or other public figure, that has engaged in stalking or other questionable behaviour that constitutes an invasion of privacy.


	7. Better

Kyung woke up to the sounds of laughter and something sizzling. His nose roused before his other senses, the aroma of sesame oil and kimchi filling his nasal delightfully. There was a sudden pang in his abdomen suddenly though, making him clutch onto the area with his uninjured hand. A low rumbling sound penetrated his ears, filtering the noises coming from the kitchen. To say Kyung was surprised was an understatement; it had been so long since he felt hungry that he nearly forgot what it was like. He laughed at his own reaction, stretching his unused muscles. Ahh. It feels so good to sleep all night.

“Look! Sleeping beauty is finally awake.” Yukwon’s cheerful voice finally brings him out of his sleepy daze.

Kyung struggles to push himself up with his elbows when multiple hands are on his back instantaneously, aiding him up. Kyung mutters a quick thanks to Jaehyo and Jihoon for their help, in which they return with a kind smile. It was then that Kyung realized that they were in the living room, stacks of futons and pillows pushed to the side. Kyung blinks, confused.

“Did we all sleep in the living room last night?” Kyung looks around at the others for an answer.

“Mhmm. After… uh, the ‘incident’ last night, we thought you would feel better if everyone was with you when you woke,” Minhyuk replies from the kitchen table. “Yeah, we just didn’t know you were gonna be knocked out until 3 in the afternoon.” Yukwon adds, still stirring whatever was in the pan in front of him. The rest of the members laugh light-heartedly at the comment.

Kyung though, feels incredibly embarrassed and guilty about the events the spurred last night at the mention of “incident.” It wasn’t just an incident, he completely had a mental breakdown in front of them. He tried to hold it together, but the affairs from yesterday were just too much that he couldn’t handle it anymore. I’m such an idiot. What was I even thinking last night, how could I have hindered them with my problems?

Sensing the brunette’s dejection by his quick change in expression Jihoon jumps at the shorter and envelops him in a hug, similar to their position the other night. Before Kyung could protest however, the maknae speaks assertively. “Don’t make that face, hyung. We don’t blame you for anything that happened the other day, so just… just let us be there for you.”

He doesn’t even have time absorb the younger’s words when another voice chimes in. “Hoon’s right. Trust us more, Kyung. We’re right here, waiting for you.” Taeil smiles gently, body leaning on the counter.

Even with their words, Kyung still feels conflicted. “I do trust you guys…”

“No, not that trust. Trust us with your responsibilities. Trust us with your feelings. Trust us to be there for you whenever something’s bothering you. Entrust us with all of it. You’re our beloved brother, Kyung.” Minhyuk looks Kyung dead in the eye, voice laced with assurance.

Yukwon stops stirring the food to look at the brunette in the living room also. “Yeah bro. You always say how we are a family. Well it’s time to listen to your own words. Let us be your family, lean on us, even if it’s just a little.” 

“You are just as important to us as we to you. It hurts us so much to see you like this, so please, rely on your hyungs and dongsaeng.” Jaehyo holds onto the younger’s hands, making sure he would feel the elder’s conviction, all of their conviction.

“But… You guys were so down when J-Jiho left. I-I just couldn’t add onto your baggage. I was so scared that we would fall apart and I didn’t know how to fix it,” Kyung explains. The truth of his greatest fears, the reasons behind his actions, they all come gushing out. “I was afraid that you all would leave me, just like Jiho, one by one. I mean, if our leader left, you had no reason to stay either… And I had just lost one of my best friends, not knowing when or if he even wants to come back. I lost someone I cared about so much, who I thought felt the same. I couldn’t… I couldn’t lose you guys too. I-I distanced myself so you guys wouldn’t have more incentive to leave, so that it would hurt less when you did…”

Without even realizing when they had moved, Kyung found himself wrapped in a group hug with his groupmates. He looks at each of their genuinely caring faces. “We will never, never leave you. Jiho-ssi hasn’t either. We regretted what we said to you that day 7 months ago the very moment you went into your room. And we never had the chance to say sorry. But Kyung, we are apologizing now. We are so sorry for what we told you, please forgive us.” Minhyuk initiates the ripples of apologies that quickly follow.

“I couldn’t hold that against you guys. You were just frustrated with the situation,” Kyung starts.

But Jaehyo interrupts. “It still gave us no right to say what we did. Just know that we meant none of it. You are more important to us than you know.” Kyung’s eyes begin to tear up at their words, from pure happiness. He nods his head frivolously trying to convey that he forgave them. They chuckle at his actions.

“And Kyung? Thanks. Thanks for letting us in,” Yukwon adds, notorious cheshire smile creeping on the kitty’s lips. At that, the brunette lets his tears fall freely. He wiggles his arms around all of their bodies trying to hug all of them, and to hide his ugly cries. But the cucumber is too small to do so. The members giggle at his futile attempts and decide to help him by snuggling closer to each other. This little action just makes Kyung cry even harder. What did I ever do to deserve them?

“Yah! Enough brat. You cry more than our maknae here. Haha.” Taeil teasingly chides the other. The members hear a muffled “fuck you” in return and bursts into boisterous laughter, still huddled awkwardly, but lovingly, in the center of their living room.

~

Moments after their hugfest, Kyung’s stomach growls loudly. “Since when did we own a pet tiger?” Kyung shyly hides his face at Jaehyo’s joke.

“Alright! Let’s go eat my kimchi fried rice,” Yukwon announces. Kyung eyes widen remembering that he was supposed to make them the dish for dinner, before everything that happened. “Ah, I forgot to make dinner last night. Where did you guys even find ingredients for the dish?”

“Don’t worry about it. Hanbin-ssi came by this morning with the groceries. He said you forgot it when you left with Jiho the other day,” Jihoon informs. Kyung simply nods in understanding.

Taeil brings over the bowls and utensils while Yukwon sets the pan of fried rice in the middle of the table. The members get themselves situated around the dinner table. Jihoon walks around to pour everyone a cup of water before taking a seat himself.

They say their thanks and begin to dig into the prepared dish. 

“Wah, the eggs are burnt, Yukwon! And isn’t the rice a bit too salty?” Said person chucks a spoon towards Jaehyo’s direction, to which he barely dodges. “Why don’t you make the food yourself next time, huh? If you’re going to complain, then starve,” the kitty threatens. Wisely, Jaehyo shuts his mouth and continues eating.

I should give Hanbin a call to thank him, Kyung thinks in the midst of their brunch. He pulls out his cell phone and is about to give the younger a call when he sees 16 unread messages displayed over the screen. The cucumber unlocks his phone and nearly chokes on his food when he sees who the messages are from: Namjachingu Pabo ♥ the caller ID reads.

Again, Kyung finds himself looking across the table at the empty seat and equally empty bowl left for said person. Nevertheless, the brunette begins reading the texts, not recalling the last time they messaged each other. It was usually just Kyung reminding the other to eat or asking how his day was or something trivial like that. Jiho stopped replying after a few weeks, but Kyung continued to text him anyway finding comfort in the fact that his messages were at least being read.

[3:28 PM] Jiho: Sorry about earlier, Kyunggie. I’m at the studio rn for an urgent recording. How’s the movie?

[4:02 PM] Jiho: Look, I know ur prolly mad at me, but I swear, it was super DUPER urgent. Talk to me babe! D:

[4:23 PM] Jiho: KYUNGGGGGGGG pls pls answer me babe. The movie should be over by now…

[4:30 PM] Jiho: R u ignoring me on purpose???

[5:11 PM] Jiho: I’m done recording! What r u up to? Jagi, I said I was sorry. I’ll make it up to u kay?

[5:22 PM] Jiho: Srsly… This isn’t funny anymore. Two can play this game >:(

[5:36 PM] Jiho: So, I’m making plans with some friends rn. Last chance to snatch me all for urself, Kyung-jagi~

[5:59 PM] Jiho: Fine! I see how it is. Ur trying to get back at me for not replying all this time. Well I’m sorry to say that u missed ur chance, cucumber. I have better, more IMPORTANT things to do than wait for ur reply!

[8:26 PM] Jiho: Hey, r u ok? U usually text me at least once by now… 

[8:27 PM] Jiho: I’m actually getting kinda worried. Reply to me goddamnit!

[8:31 PM] Jiho: The others aren’t picking up my call either. What r u guys doing?

[8:44 PM] Jiho: U know what?! U guys are grown men, u don’t need me looking out for u constantly. Plus, I know ur always there to keep an eye on them, Kyunggie ;)

[9:01 PM] Jiho: Looks like ur still avoiding me… 

[9:03 PM] Jiho: I’m sorry… I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’M SORRY. 

[9:04 PM] Jiho: Just a little longer, babe. Once I finish what I need done, everything will be like it used to be. So thank u for taking care of things while I’m out. 

[9:04 PM] Jiho: I understand if ur still upset, just know that I’m so thankful ur here. I love u ♥ Good Night Jagiya, sleep well~

Kyung heaves a sigh when he finishes the last text. He’s honestly still quite mad at the other, but doesn’t have the heart to leave Jiho worried like that. Even when Kyung was hurting, even when he was stressed, even when he had his breakdown, not once did he, could he blame the younger blonde. It just wasn’t in his nature. Jiho was all the Kyung ever knew: no other childhood friends, no other person that he held so closely, no other boyfriends, Jiho was Kyung’s one and only for nearly everything. 

He can’t push the leader away. No matter how much the other hurt him, how many times he stabbed his fragile heart, how many times he broke his promises, how many times he left, Kyung just couldn’t distance himself from the taller man. It was a cancerous circle as of late, from hate to love, self-loathing to hope, to disappointment and back to love. Yet, Kyung doesn’t break it. He can’t, because again, that’s all he knows.

So, he quickly sends a reply and goes back to eating. The phone pings signalling that his message has been delivered: [3:34 PM] Park Kyung: I’m okay. Make sure to get enough sleep so u don’t get sick, Jerk.

“Hey Kyung! After we eat, let’s all go to the mall, yeah?” The brunette is a bit taken aback by Jaehyo’s offer. 

Sure, it’s not like it’s the first time he’s gone out with the members, but it’s been awhile since they’ve all gone out together publicly without Jiho. Usually, the groupmates leave the dorm individually or sometimes in pairs to hang, only having everyone present either at home or at the company building. They refrain from spending time in the city together since paparazzi may capture it and make it seem like Block B was moving on without Jiho and vice versa: it was bad publicity for both the boy group and ZICO, who was currently promoting.

But Kyung was finally leaning on his brothers again, and he’d be damned if he let some tabloids ruin that. So he sets down his bowl of rice and smiles, genuinely smiles. “Sure, I’d really like that.”

The mood is instantly brightened as the groupmates finish their late lunch, all looking forward to their trip to the mall.

~

Kyung starts to second guess his decision once they enter the outlet.

The shopping center was packed and noisy, people were everywhere. The brunette didn’t know if he could handle such an atmosphere so soon after his last panic attack. He always had an anxiety problem, one that only his groupmates and manager knew of. And right now, Kyung felt extremely uncomfortable; the familiar increase of his heart beat has him squeezing his eyes shut.

However, a hand on his waist coxes him out of his nervousness, softly massaging his sides. He looks at the hand, and follows the trail of the limb back to Minhyuk’s body. The elder raven doesn’t say a word, saving Kyung from the unwanted attention, and simply guides the younger to follow the four excited boys in front of them. Sweet, observant Minhyuk hyung, Kyung thinks and quietly chuckles.

“What should we do first? Shopping, movies, arcade, karaoke? The possibilities are endless!” Jihoon looks like a little kid who was just brought to a candy store; the 22 year old was actually skipping down the mall squealing. His eyes sparkle with child-like enthusiasm as he thinks of all the activities they could do together.

“Calm down yah monkey. We barely got here, let’s start with something simple, like shopping. How does that sound?” Yukwon puts his hands in his pockets as he stops and looks at the others for confirmation.

“Are you okay with shopping, Kyunggie?” Jaehyo asks the brunette who hasn’t said a word since they arrived.

“Hmm? Oh, sure. Anything you guys want to do, I’m fine with any.”

“But we want you to have fun too, Kyung-ssi. You don’t have to be in mamabear mode all the time, haha.” Taeil slings an arm around the brunettes neck and laughs light-heartedly at his own joke. The rest follow suit.

“Yeah, it’s our turn to pamper you, shortie,” Minhyuk tightens his hold on the other’s waist.

“Yah! Who are you calling short? I am average height!” Kyung attempts to scowl at the members, but it looks more like a pout… a very cute pout.

“Aigo*, gwiyeopda*! Gwiyeopda!” Yukwon chants loudly as he points to Kyung’s expression, making the shorter slightly blush from the embarrassment. Everyone laughs, but it’s full of adoration reminding them how shy their sub-leader could be. Kyung covers his face with his hands, but they could still see the tinge of pink on his ears.

“Okay okay. Enough teasing the cucumber, let’s shop!” Taeil effectively quiets his dongsaengs and leads them into one of the department stores.

Once in the shop, everyone splits into their own route knowing exactly what to browse for… Everyone but Kyung. 

He hasn’t necessarily done a lot of shopping lately, only really buying groceries or other household necessities, but not any material things. He tried to convince himself that he doesn’t have time to shop and he doesn’t need anything secular, content with just wearing the stuff in his closet or in Jiho’s since he obviously is not home enough to care.

But in all honesty, Kyung knows that in some masochistic way, it was to punish himself. The brunette truly believed that he didn’t earn such pleasantries, especially when Jiho was out there working hard while his members were struggling to cope with their situation. He vowed to put their happiness ahead of his own and couldn’t find it in himself to immerse in such luxuries when so many people around him were so discontent. He wanted, needed to suffer. It wasn’t logical, but Kyung honestly felt like he deserved every punishment implemented.

So now that he was forced- ahem, voluntarily here in a clothing store, the cucumber had absolutely no idea what to actually do. He stood nervously in the shop, pretending to ready something off his phone so it wouldn’t be so obvious that he was feeling uneasy.

The brunette was just about to silently make his escape when five different voices call out to him all at once. “KYUNG.” “Kyunggie!” “Cucumber!” ”Kyung-ssi!” “HYUNG.” In a split second, the 5 boys appear in front of him, piles of clothes in each of their arms. Quite startled, and a little more amused, Kyung chuckles, “Do you guys need money paying for those? Here, let me just get my card.”

Kyung is already reaching for his wallet when a hand stops him. “No silly! We chose these clothes for you. Now come try them out,” Yukwon says excitedly as he already pulls the younger towards the dressing room with the rest of the members animatedly following.

The brunette frowns at the others’ antics. “Guys, I really don’t need anymore clothes.” “Speak for yourself. You look like a hobo who only owns sweaters and jeans. Like it or not, there are a lot more stylish outfits out there other than an oversized shirt and denim pants,” Jaehyo scoffs at the other with an edge of sass.

“Hey! That’s not the only thing I wear… And it's comfortable…” Kyung’s bottom lip juts out as he crosses his arms defensively.

The members nearly melt at his cuteness. Luckily, Minhyuk steps in to explain to the sub-leader. “Stop pouting, Kyung. Haha. It’s just that you’ve lost some weight these past few months and all of your clothes are basically hanging off of you, so we thought we get you some shirts and pants that’ll better fit you.” Everyone nods in agreement.

“But I’m good with the clothes I have. You guys should just shop for yourselves,” Kyung says still hesitant about the whole shopping thing.

“We know you don’t need it. We want to get you something. Think of it as gratitude from all of us, for you always being there.” Taeil smiles happily as he hands his pile to the maknae and pushes Kyung into a fitting room. “Now try them on before hyung gets mad,” Taeil threateningly says as everyone throws in their pile and he closes the door, leaving no room for the the younger to argue.

After an hour of trying on many, MANY articles of clothing, the groupmates finally make their way out of the clothing store, each with his one bag of attire. “That was so fun! Let’s go to the arcade next!” Jihoon jumps in excitement, pointing towards the game room. “Race yah there, monkey!” Yukwon’s voice rapidly fades away as he sprints forward. “Hey, that’s cheating, hyung!” Despite what he said, their maknae still chases after the kitty.

“HOON! Do not run in crowded places, you might trip!” Taeil soon trails after making sure the two ahead don’t run into other mall goers. “Aish, you guys. Hold up.” Minhyuk’s voice sounds irritated, but the faint smile on his face gives way to his actual amusement.

With that, only Jaehyo and Kyung are left, idly walking towards their destination. A familiar, comfortable silence falls between the two when the elder speaks up. “Kyunggie?” The shorter simply hums in acknowledgement.

“We’re really happy that you’re with us right now.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Kyung says truthfully.

“No, really. Thanks for finally trusting us. Things may have been hard, and sometimes it may be unbearable, but you’re not alone anymore. We are here for you. So, don’t- just stay happy and healthy and please, please stop doubting yourself, okay?” 

The don’t hurt yourself was left unsaid, but Kyung heard it loud and clear, especially with the way Jaehyo seemed to be staring directly into the shorter’s soul. It took him a moment to fully grasp what the elder has said. And it has been hard, and at times, things really did seem unbearable, like he couldn’t take on the world anymore; hence, his whole breakdown yesterday. 

For the longest time, Kyung was alone through it all. He stepped up in postion alone. He slept in their bedroom alone. The rare times he ate, it was alone. He struggled alone. He cried alone. He suffered alone.

But he isn’t alone now.

All his hyungs and the maknae were with him, actually wanting to be there for him. And he can;t keep the fond smile from adorning his lips. I’ve really been an idiot, huh? They’ve been here all along…

“Kyung?” Jaehyo’s call brings him back to reality. They somehow made it to the arcade and are standing at the entrance. 

Kyung can see Jihoon cheering loudly, beating Taeil in some some sort of car racing game. On the other side, he spots Yukwon and Minhyuk going all out on Dance Dance Revolution, drawing attention from other gamers as they move explosively. Finally, he looks back up a Jaehyo, who is still waiting for his reply. And at the moment, Kyung’s heart swells with love and pride.

He was so busy trying to take on all the baggage by himself and look after the others, that he didn’t realize they they wanted to do the same and care for him. Kyung promises to himself that things will change, that he will change. He promises to lean on his brothers because he knows that they will always be there.

Kyung takes Jaehyo’s hand and drags him inside the arcade. “I’ll do better, hyung. I’ll be healthy, I’ll be happy, I will not doubt myself anymore.” Jaehyo looks at the back of the brunette’s head quite shocked as the younger continues. “I’ve been foolish, but now I know. I know that all of you will be there for me, so everything is going to work out eventually.”

Jaehyo’s grasps the smaller hands a bit tighter, almost gushing with happiness. “Yeah… everything will be fine.”


	8. Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such the long wait! But I'm back with another chapter!! :D

And just like that 2 months passed by.

 

Park Kyung was actually, truly feeling fantastic. Well, maybe fantastic is too strong of a word, but he did feel better. Everything was falling back into their rightful place again; and although Jiho was no longer promoting, he was still touring around, but that was fine for the brunette. The blonde wasn’t with them much, but Kyung was used to the absence at this point and Jiho did message him occasionally about his day or about something that troubled him, and that was enough for him.

 

No, Kyung wasn’t moving on. How could he? Feelings that have been that deeply rooted with as much time to be nurtured and developed as theirs don’t simply disappear over something as trivial as not being able to see each other. The sub-leader is still very much in love with the younger; Kyung is merely  _ adapting _ .

 

To be honest, that’s all he’s ever tried to do: adapt to the circumstances. Yet, to say he had failed miserably is an understatement.

 

However, things have changed. In a little over 6 weeks, Kyung has gotten so much closer to the members that he didn’t even think possible. It felt completely surreal to the still insecure brunnette. All his life, he only ever truly relied on 3 people: his parents and Jiho. And it wasn’t like Kyung did not trust in his members, more like he couldn’t trust in himself to rely on them in fear of weighing them down. Hail to whatever cucumber god is out there, because his group mates took the time to prove to him that he was definitely, completely and utterly wrong.

 

Kyung found himself always by a member’s side; they all understood how quickly the brunette’s thoughts could turn on him, and never gave a chance for Kyung’s mind to spiral out of control.

 

He often went grocery shopping with Taeil in his spare time, the eldest always filling the shopping cart with essentials for the dorm, but also spotting extra trinkets and snacks to bring back for his dongsaengs. Taeil did nothing but spoil the younger with food and gifts, promising to never allow Kyung to feel any ounce of sadness when he was around. Even at home, the eldest hyung, who was always soft spoken and careful with his words, paid extra attention around the cucumber, threatening anyone with a death glare if they’d say anything that would remotely upset the brunette. The younger forgot how nurturing his eldest hyung could be.

 

He often spent time with Minhyuk in cafes or quiet parks to talk about his feelings. He tended to bottle a lot of things up, a habit that has developed over the years, yet Minhyuk saw right through him. The elder did a very good job at making sure the brunette hid nothing, listening sympathetically to every word or problem the younger may have, even coaxing out hesitant confessions from time to time. He took the time to talk things out with the younger, explaining alternative ways to look at situations, different ways to look at himself and his capabilities. And throughout their philosophical discussions, Minhyuk somehow finds a good time to insert compliments, always reminding the shorter how much they need him. Kyung forgot how discerning his hyung was, only seeming to grow wiser by the years.

 

He often went to the mall with Jaehyo whenever the elder felt bored. Being the visual that he is, they would spend hours in the dressing room deciding on outfits and accessories; and although it was mainly Jaehyo trying out clothes, he still was very appreciative of Kyung’s comments and opinions, taking every chance to vocalize his gratitude towards the younger for being there with him. Jaehyo, usually the type to express his feelings through actions, would even sneak into his room occasionally and throw out his old clothes, just to have it replaced with newer shirts and sweaters he thought would suit Kyung better than Jiho’s oversized ones. Still, He only ever threw away what he knew belonged to the brunette; any of Jiho’s clothes, Jaehyo would silently store those away in a cabinet where he was certain Kyung could find. The sub-leader forgot how absolutely affectionate the the taller was.

 

He often reviewed their dance choreographs in the studio with Yukwon when everyone else was busy. Kyung wasn’t so much of a dancer himself, usually being put in the back of their choreographies due to his naturally awkward and stiff posture; however, even when Kyung couldn’t get the moves down and kept making mistakes, Yukwon simply retaught the movements and slowed down his pace, accommodating to the sub-leader’s progression. Not once did he raise his voice or get angry with the younger; Yukwon simply smiled and cheered the other on. Little did he know that those many words of motivation and support actually made Kyung feel a lot better about himself. Despite his energetic personality, the brunette forgot how patient and encouraging the kitty could be.

 

He often went out with Jihoon, taking advantage of the only time he gets to be called hyung. And although he was thankful for everyone’s coddling, it did get suffocating sometimes for the cucumber. As vigilant as ever, the maknae noticed every single time Kyung would become even the slightest bit uncomfortable; he would swoop in and pull the sub-leader away with an excuse of “I’m the youngest, so you all have to reserve Kyung hyung for me,” before disappearing. What the brunette appreciated most was that Jihoon never acted different around him, never treading around situations and talked to him so normally, like he wasn’t made of fine glass. He forgot how endearing their youngest could be.

 

Even now, as Kyung mixes chocolate cake batter - —  Jiho’s favorite  — in a bowl, a fond smile creeps on his lips. He remembers all the times that the members have been there for him since the “incident,” he remembers the overall protectiveness of each of them. And 6 weeks before, he probably would’ve felt guilty for taking up their time, for burdening them, but now, he only felt utter appreciation towards the people that he considered even closer than family.

 

A voice draws him out of his thoughts though. “What cha making over there, Kyunggie?” A head is lightly placed on the crevice between his shoulder and neck, looking over the contents in which the brunette is stirring. The faint yet distinct smell of Jaehyo’s cologne reaches Kyung’s nose and he relaxes his shoulders. “Ooh. What did we do to deserve Park Kyung’s glorious chocolate cake? Did Taeil hyung buy you more stuffed animals? Look, I know they’re soft and all, but if you get any more, there won’t be enough room for you to sleep, idiot cucumber!”

 

_ It’s not like Jiho sleeps on the other side of the bed anyway _ , Kyung thinks but refrains from adding the comment. He instead says,” Well, if you don’t seem to like my stuffed toys, then you probably won’t like this cake. Such a shame, I guess everyone else will just have to get a bigger slice.” 

 

Jaehyo’s head snaps up abruptly at the underlying threat. “Common now, Kyunggie. Let’s not go to extremes. You know I’ll like  _ anything _ you cook. I was only playing around!” 

 

“Hehe. I know,” Kyung says as he pats the taller’s head.

“So who’s the cake for anyway, hyung?” The maknae’s voice calls from behind as both he and their eldest, Taeil, arrive from the hall. “You guys seriously don’t know what day it is,” Kyung questions at the three boys present in the room. “Uhh, it’s Wednesday, but I have a strange feeling that that’s not the right answer,” Taeil adds unhelpfully.

 

“You guys are real idiots.” Just then, Yukwon and Minhyuk, just finishing off their dance practice, join the group. The kitty’s comment, however, gets him a soft smack on the head from the elder dancer. “Be respectful to your hyungs, you rascal.” But, Minhyuk only gets a cheeky tongue stuck out at him instead.

 

“As, I was saying,” Yukwon continues, “I know we haven’t seen the guy around lately, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to forget our leader’s birthday, guys.” A second of silence passes before realization dawns on the three clueless men. “Oh my god. IT’S JIHO’S BIRTHDAY TODAY,” Jaehyo declares loudly. Minhyuk winks at his dongsaengs, “Bingo.”

 

Like three blind mice following each other, Taeil, Jaehyo, and Jihoon race to the door, clumsily putting on their shoes. “And where are you all planning on going,” the cucumber asks amusedly. “We have to get that Zico brat a gift. And let’s not mention our..  _ forgetfulness _ when we see him yeah? It’ll just be better for both parties if we forgot this whole thing ever happened,” Taeil suggests sweetly, or more like demands as the eldest hyung before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

 

“I’m totally telling Jiho,” Yukwon smirks.

 

Minhyuk smacks the younger again, “You will do no such thing.”

 

“We’ll see, hyung. We’ll see.”

 

Choosing to ignore the other’s side remark, Minhyuk sits down at the table and stares thoughtfully at the brunette. An appreciative smile creeps along his lips. He notices how Kyung holds himself a little higher; confidence isn't oozing out of him, but he looks more confident, less doubtful, and more  _ secure _ . His brown locks don’t look nearly as dull as they had been; his hair is shinier, fluffier, and healthier. Just like his body. Truth be told, Kyung is still far too skinny for Minhyuk’s liking, but his cheeks were fuller, his eyes weren’t as sunken, and his complexion has somewhat returned. All in all, Kyung looked  _ better _ . And the dancer couldn’t be any more proud, because their sub-leader wasn’t healed, actually far from it, but he was improving. He was trying, and that’s all that really mattered to their little make-shift family.

 

“I can feel you staring, Minhyuk hyung.” Said brunette pops two circular pans in the oven before facing the elder, a tender smile gracing his lips. “Care to tell me why you have that stupid grin on your face?”

 

“Oh, nothing. Just making some observations.”

 

“Really now. And just what observations have you made?”

 

“Just that you look happier. And that makes me happier.” 

 

Kyung’s smile falters a bit at Minhyuk’s comment, before it spreads wider on his face. A tinge of red dusts his cheeks as he nods in agreement. “You’re right. I’m feeling better, and it’s thanks to you guys.”

 

“Alright, alright! This is getting to sappy for my taste,” Yukwon interjects. The eldest in the room glares at the younger, muttering a “brat” under his breath, but is disregarded as the kitty continues. “So how’s this gonna work? Are we going to visit Jiho, or is he coming here? Does he even have time to come back here anyway?”

 

“I was thinking we go surprise him at the studio. He told me he was going to be there all week since he’s having some sort of creative block and wants to focus on just his music. But I think it would be nice if we go see him when he’s having such a hard time. Despite the idiots at the mall right now, I wouldn’t want Jiho to think we’re forgetting him,” Kyung suggests kindly.

 

“That sounds like a great idea! We’ll go when the cake is done and when the others get back, which will hopefully be sometime soon,” Minhyuk finalizes.

 

~ b r e a k ~

 

“Do you really think he’ll like it, hyung?”

“For the last time, Hoon! Jiho-ssi will love it. He’ll like anything you get him because you chose it, and it’s the thought that matters, not the gift,” Taeil reassures.

The maknae clutches the clumsily wrapped gift tighter to his chest. “I know… but we haven’t seen him in so long and I just, I don’t want him to be disappointed,” he softly confesses. There are fingers cupping the monkey’s face suddenly, turning his head until he’s facing the owner of those petite hands.

“Hey now. Jiho has known you for over 5 years, Jihoon. He’s seen you trip down the stairs, cry over a disney movie, burn hard boiled eggs, and laugh so hard that milk spilled out of your nose. Heck, he’s even sat by your side the night you had way too much to drink and were dry-heaving into the toilet bowl. He’s seen you at your worst, Jihoonie, but he’s also seen you grow up into such a wonderful, and thoughtful man. It’s gonna take a lot for him to ever be disappointed in you, give him some more credit,” Kyung says matter of factly. The maknae brightens at the memories and engulfs the smaller in a tight hug. “That’s why I like you best, Kyung hyung.”

“Hey! What about us?!” The remaining 4 boys look at their youngest expectantly, silently siding with Taeil’s outburst.

Jihoon rolls his eyes, however, at their behaviour. “What about you guys? And look at the road, not at me, Minhyuk hyung!”

“Relax. We’re at the studio already, I’m just parking,” Minhyuk chuckles as he pulls into an empty spot.

As the groupmates leave the vehicle and begin entering the studio, Yukwon calls for the sub-leader’s attention. “You know, we could’ve just bought him a cake. You didn’t have to go through all that trouble of making it.”

Kyung only smirks. “I know. But Jiho loves chocolate cake and making it at home just makes it all the more special. Plus, you all helped decorate it; so a lot of love went into this little pastry and I want him to get reminded of our family when he bites into it.”

“Pfft. You act like he’s gonna magically come home once he eats the cake,” Jaehyo adds dryly.

“Maybe not, but I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Like it or not, he’s still our leader, he’s been through a lot.”

Yukwon grimaces. “Still, that doesn’t give him any excuses to be a dick,” the kitty states. It’s Taeil who smacks the younger on the head this time “Language!”

“What?! It’s true. We all know how much of a jerk he’s been for the past what, year? All I’m saying, Kyung, is that you don’t have to go out of your way to defend him. He doesn’t deserve it.” Everyone stops in the lobby; Yukwon looks at Kyung honestly, but the latter is faced away from the rest of his members. “You don’t deserve this,” he proceeds.

The 5 boys wait in silence for a response, not really sure what to say in this atmosphere. They see the sub-leader’s hands tightening around the cake box before relaxing. “I know,” he starts, “I know Jiho hasn’t been totally there for us lately, but it’s tough for him too. It may not look like it, but he’s doing it for us, everything that he’s done, it’s to make sure we’re okay. When we were trainees, when we debuted, and even when we had that scandal with our company, it was Jiho who pulled us out of every wreckage and made sure we came out on top. Block B is his everything. So, the least we could do is be there for him now.”

The words struck a chord in each of the members. Here they were, frustrated with their leader for ignoring them for months, only to realize that he was working hard, all by himself, to make sure that they excelled. And what made them feel guiltier was the fact that, Kyung, the one who hurt the most in this ordeal, was the only person to notice.

Yukwon speaks up again, albeit more bashfully this time. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, Kyunggie.”

The brunette finally looks back at them with a kind smile. “I understand, let's just forget about it. There’s a blonde brat waiting upstairs to be surprised by his favorite members.”

And just like that, the groupmates enter the ascending elevator in laughter and giggles. As they make their way towards Jiho’s room around the corner, Jaehyo sing-songs, “Lookie here~” Peering through the window of the door, they can see their leader scribbling down what was probably lyrics and notes on a stack of papers. His nose was scrunched up with a tongue sticking out from the side; the face he usually makes when in intense concentration.

“I can’t wait to see his face when he sees us,” Jaehyo jumps excitedly.

Yukwon presses his face against the glass. “We should probably surprise him now. Look! He’s not even paying attention, he’s drinking coffee right now.”

As if on cue, the Block B members burst into the room with a shout of “SURPRISE!”

Zico jumps from the sudden intrusion, coffee spilling all over himself and his work. The members don’t seem to notice though as they continue the celebration, singing, “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear, Ji-”

“Why the fuck are you guys here,” Jiho yells over their voices.

The group immediately quiets down, not anticipating this situation. The members look towards Kyung for guidance, but the sub-leader is just as cautious as they are; no one really wants to piss off Jiho even further when he’s already angry. After a full minute of silence, the Block B leader continues his rant.

“I swear to god, I was almost done with this song too. Out of all the days you guys decide to come and bother me, you choose now,” he grumbles as he picks up the fallen mug and strewn papers. Jihoon is the first in the group to speak. “But hyung… It’s your birthday. We just wanted to celebrate it with you.” The others nod vigorously, not intending to upset the leader. But Kyung, he watches Jiho with a critical eye, knowing very well how bad the blonde’s temper can get.

“Do you see this?” Jiho holds out the stack of papers he’s been working on; the dark liquid already soaked into the material, making the written words and notes unreadable. “I’ve been working on this for the past week! And because you all wanted to play  _ family _ , it’s fucking ruined. So yeah, thanks, thanks for causing me even more trouble. Some birthday present this is.” The maknae winces at the harsh tone; he goes back to clutching the gift in his hands, retreating to the back of the group.

Kyung steps in front of the others, standing directly in front of their leader. “Jiho, please calm down. We only came to spend time with you, since it’s your birthday,” he tries.

“Well I didn’t ask for you guys to come! Do you know how many long nights a stayed up for this?” He flings the soiled papers on the ground. “It doesn’t mean shit anymore now that you guys wrecked it. What do you all have to say for yourselves?”

The brunette grips tightly on the cake box again, this time, almost crushing it. “Listen. It was my idea to come here in the first place, so stop yelling at them.” Minhyuk raises his head and grabs for Kyung’s elbow. “You don’t have to protect us, Kyung,” he starts. But the shorter male pulls away with a commanding, “Be quiet, hyung.” The remaining Block B members stay silent, not sure what to do now that their leader and sub-leader were arguing; it wasn’t in any of their places to interrupt.

“Oh! So this is your fault. Is this some vengeful way of getting back at me for bailing on your birthday party? Because if it is, you stooped way too low, Park Kyung.”

“What are you even talking about, Jiho? It was an accident! We just wanted to come see you since you’re never home!” Kyung didn’t want to yell, he really didn’t, but all his pent up emotions with the blonde were just too overwhelming.

“I’m not home because I have things to do! I thought you got that. This tour, these promotions, these songs, someone has to do them, Kyung. So, sorry if I don’t have time to deal with all of you and your problems, alright. And you’re my boyfriend! You’re supposed to be the one encouraging me, waiting for me at home, giving me support, NOT weighing me down.”

The brunette felt something in him break. The blonde just confirmed one of his deepest fears; the one thing that was always in the back of his mind no matter how much he tried to deny it, Jiho just said it loud and clear. And it hurt, pained him so much that he was burdening his boyfriend. But he couldn’t break in front of everyone, not now, not when he just told them that he was getting better. So he replaces that despairing feeling with anger instead.

“I do wait at home for you. And you know what, Jiho? You. Are. Never. There.”

“Kyung. I fucken told you how important this song was for me. And you still-”

“For goodness sake, you are so fucking dense! What about us, Ji? What about me? I do not want to hear this ‘boyfriend’ bulshit from you out of all people! You dare complain about what I should be doing and how I should be behaving, then what the hell are you doing then? Who are you even doing this for, because it obviously isn’t for us anymore. The last time the members have seen you, and I mean actually see you, not from a television screen or some magazine, but see you in person was nearly a year ago. How could you say you’re doing this for us when you’re not  _ with _ us?” Kyung says this headelty, assertively. But on the inside, he’s begging for answer.

The blonde looks at his boyfriend intensely. And for second, Kyung thought he saw regret in those dark orbs, but they were quickly replaced with fury. “You know what. I don’t have to deal with this. Out! Everone!”

“Jiho,” Kyung starts as he takes a step forward. But then, Jiho’s hand comes forward and he smacks the box out of the brunettes hands. The contents, no doubt completely smashed and on the floor, and all that the members could do was stare at the remnants of their shared work. “I SAID OUT,” the blonde repeats mercilessly. The members still don’t move though, concern for their cucumber overweighing their fear of the actual leader, only because everyone knew how much the cake meant to the brunette. So they stayed.

“Since when did you all become such defiant members? I’m only gone for a year, but you already let them become this undisciplined, Kyung. I knew it, I shouldn’t have let you lead after me because I can clearly see that you weren’t capable enough. Ugh, this would never have happened had I known better. This entire day is full of shit, honestly; you guys have done nothing but disappoint me on what’s supposed to be a great day. So than-”

Jiho’s head gets thrown to the side abruptly, and he reaches up to touch his stinging cheek. The sound of the slap catches everyone’s attention. The brunette rarely ever gets physical with any of the members, and for him the blatantly slap the leader in front of everyone, was a disheartening sight. Kyung’s hand is still raised, but its clutched and pressed tightly to his eyes. Even then, The boys in the room can see the tears spilling out of those closed orbs. Seeing the smaller cry, Jiho moves forward, reaching out to his boyfriend, his bruising cheek completely forgotten. But Kyung steps back. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Kyung, baby,” the blonde attempts again.

“”No. Do you have any idea what you put me through? Do you know how many nights  _ I  _ couldn’t sleep, not knowing if you ate, if you were sick, if you were working too hard, if you even thought about me as much as I worried for you? You promised me that you would be there, that you would always be by my side, but every night, I return to a goddamn empty bed! I tried, Ji, I really did, but I feel like I’m being strangled to death by my own hands. I’m tired… but I keep pretending, for their sake,” he points to the group, “for yours, but mostly… For mine. I keep pretending that everything is going to be fine, that it will all go back to the way it used to be, that you’ll return to me, because it’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane. Because if I start believing what everyone has been telling me then the safe world that I’ve built around myself is going to crumble, and I would have nothing left but to face the reality that this… this is my fault. I pushed you to take that solo opportunity because I thought it was what you wanted and for once in my life, I didn’t want you to wait for me, I didn’t want to hold you back. I pushed you and now look where it’s gotten you, Jiho. You don’t sleep, you barely eat, you don’t come home. And I thought that I could handle it, so convinced you to let me lead while you were away, and your right. I wasn’t ready. I look at the 5 of them every day, and I feel sorry, sorry that they have to settle for a leader like me, sorry that they have to support me and not the other way around, sorry that I’m not  _ you _ . So there, I know how important that song was to you, but Jiho… Aren’t I important as well? What about me, Ji? What about me…” Kyung looks at the blonde with such a raw and defenseless expression, and the younger is tongue tied.

“I… I-” Jiho is just about to say something when his phone vibrates. He pulls it out and reads the messages, frown deepening as he finishes. “Jiho?” Kyung calls out to him, because he wants Jiho to say that he’s wrong, that nothing will change, that he’ll make everything better, like he promised. He  _ needs _ to be reassured because he’s already coming apart at the seams. Yet once again, the taller male fails him.

“I need to finish this song,” Jiho says softly, not wanting to make the brunette even more distressed..

Kyung couldn’t help but scoff, but it sounded like a sob with the wave of tears still streaming down his cherub face. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to  _ trouble _ you any more,  _ Zico _ ,” he says mockingly.

“Common, don’t be like this, Kyunggie. Look, we’ll talk about this when I’m finished, alright?” Jiho is able to grab Kyung’s hand this time without getting smacked in the face. The two stare each other for what seemed like eternity, having some silent conversation that know one knew. But Kyung was the first to back away and pull off the foreign hand. He looks back at the blonde, face full of anguish, because this man was the love of his life, and he couldn’t handle the fact that Jiho just hurts him too much.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jiho. I don’t even know who you are anymore.” He shakes his head and he takes off, leaving the rest of the Block B members in the studio.

Kyung runs, and runs not knowing or even caring where he was going. The situation was so familiar for the sub-leader, but he got satisfaction from knowing that it was he who left Jiho this time. Still, that little fact did little to soothe his broken heart. He just couldn’t believe that his childhood friend, his lover, would chose work over his shattering boyfriend. Sure, maybe Kyung was being a bit dramatic, but he just couldn’t hold it in anymore; Jiho was not going to understand unless Kyung spelled it out for him. And the sad part was that he did, he said it right to his face, all the emotions and thoughts he has been carrying for so long, and Jiho… Jiho didn’t even bat an eyelash.

Once his heart stopped racing, Kyung slowed his pace until he was just standing at a crosswalk, alone, and completely miserable.  _ I’m being stupid. _ He’s just about to walk back to the studio when a blaring noise fills his ears. Only then does he register the noise as honking and lifts his head enough to see blinding headlights coming straight for him.

 

 

_ [FLASHBACK] _

_ “The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting _

_ It couldn't be that we have been this way before _

_ I know you don't think that I am trying _

_ I know you're wearing thin down to the core…” _

_ Kyung voice fills the the room pleasantly. He’s sitting up on their bed while slowly combing his fingers through the brown streaks of the person lying on his lap. His own black strands are cutely pinned up with hair clips. Neither of the two are doing much, simply basking in the familiarity and comfort of the other. “I love the sound of your voice when you sing,” Jiho says tiredly. The ebony haired boy only smiles before continuing the song. _

_ “But hold your breath _

_ Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you _

_ Over again _

_ Don't make me change my mind _

_ Or I won't live to see another day _

_ I swear it’s true _

_ Because a guy like you is impossible to find…” _

_ Jiho turns his head to see Kyung, pulling the smaller’s own head down so that they’re looking eye to eye. Both of them are conveying so much love for the other, without even saying a single word at all. But they know. And it’s been that way since forever; being together so long, their attraction wasn’t just physical, but emotionally also, they were  _ **_one_ ** _. So in that split second of eye contact, Kyung already knew what the brunette was going to do. He closes his eyes as his leans forward and feels plump lips against his own. The kiss was chaste and sweet, leaving a tingling sensation on his mouth. He opens his eyes just see a grinning leader and finishes the song.  _

_ “You're impossible to find~” _

_ Jiho hums in content. “I should have you sing more in our songs,” he says. _

_ “We’ve only just debuted, Ji. Learn the rest of the dance routine before you start working on another album,” Kyung chuckles. Because that was so Jiho, always adding more to his plate when he hasn’t even finished. _

_ “No, really. I’ve already started working on some new stuff and I think your voice is going to go so well in the chorus.” Jiho lifts his head, the gears in his head running at the mention of his music. But Kyung softly pushes him back down onto his lap; he smoothes the younger’s hair away from his forehead before kissing it. The leader immediately melts under the touch, another approving hum leaving his lips. _

_ “Can you tell me something honestly, Jiho?” _

_ “What is it, babe?” _

_ Kyung bites his lips. “Will this change?” _

_ “Hmm? Will what change?” _

_ “This.” Kyung holds the leader’s face between his palms securely, and gazes at the other earnestly, “You know, me, you, us, the members. I don’t know. I just like things the way they are now. I don’t want us to be ‘big’ if that means we lose ourselves. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t by my side. I wouldn’t know what to do if everyone starts getting irritable and unhappy because we’re getting popular. Is it really worth it? I don’t want to-” _

_ “Hey, hey,” Jiho cuts in. He takes a hand off his cheek and intertwines their fingers. “Where is all this even coming from, baby? You don’t have to worry, okay. You aren’t going to lose the members and you are for damn sure not gonna lose me. We are gonna make it in this industry and we are going to be satisfied and  _ **_happy_ ** _. So, please stop making that face, you look ugly when you frown.” _

_ The black haired male smiles, but he’s still doubtful. “How do you know though, Ji? How do you for sure that we’ll still be us in 5, 10, 20 years from now?” _

_ Jiho lifts himself off the elder, hand still interlaced. He shifts in way so that he’s leaning against the bed frame and Kyung is lying on top of his chest. He brings his arm around so it rests around the shorter’s shoulders. And he places their hands on the necklace around the cucumber’s neck, Jiho’s other hand fondling the tag upon his own neck. _

_ “I might not know exactly what our future has in store for us, but I do know that you, Park Kyung, are my entire world. Wherever you go, I will follow; you aren’t getting rid of me that easily,” the brunette laughs. _

_ “More. Say more.” _

_ “Yes sir. Haha. I love you so much, it physically pains me sometimes. We are going to be happy because I am going to give you everything you ever needed and more, because you’ve stuck with me since day one, and you deserve everything coming your way. So I promise you, Kyunggie, that everything will turn out for the better, and that I will be with you every step of the way. You’ll never lose me, I’ll always be by your side, I promise.” _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Have I’ve ever gone back on my promises before?” _

_ “Not yet.” _

_ “And not ever. You have my word.” _

_ For the hundredth time that day, the two gaze into each other’s eyes, reading every part of their facial features. Kyung breaks into a gleeful giggle. “I love you, Woo Jiho,” the shorter male declares. _

_ “I love you more.” _

_ [FLASHBACK END] _

 

Kyung doesn’t really see the impact, but he feels it. A bone crushing force collides with his torso and he can feel himself in the air before coming down hard onto the pavement. The brunette isn’t sure if he blacked out or not, but now he wishes he had because all he feels is pain, so much pain. It was so unbearable that Kyung wanted to cry out, but found that he couldn’t; something was in his throat, filling it up. His hand unconsciously gravitated towards his neck, searching for the piece of metal that was sure to calm him down. Yet, nothing was there.

A surge of adrenaline runs through his veins as he whips his head to the side looking for his necklace. He sees the the shiny piece about a body’s length away, and despair sinks in. He begins crying again as he inches his body towards the necklace. Every part of his body protests against his efforts, but his mind screamed at him to retrieve the jewelry. He barely moves halfway before his damaged body completely shuts down on him. Still, Kyung reaches out for the worn necklace, exerting the last of his energy stretching out his arm, but he only accomplishes in grazing it on the tip of his fingers. Kyung coughs up the liquid he felt building in his throat, the coppery taste letting him know exactly what was dripping out the side of his mouth. 

Kyung coughs again, sputtering out the blood in his lungs. The brunette can feel his vision becoming hazy as his eyelids grow heavier and heavier; the images distort to clusters of bright colors. Kyung thinks he hears his name, but the buzzing sound muffles any words he can possibly make out. He sees shadows swimming in an out of his vision, but he’s just honestly too tired to care. His thoughts run back to his boyfriend, however, and he smiles because maybe this was the answer. Maybe it was time for the burden to be lifted off everyone’s shoulders.

But the smile disappears just as fast as it came, because it was so bitter-sweet; he didn’t want to leave them, any of them. So, Kyung tries to stay awake. Because as much as he knew his life was seeping out of him, he wanted to be selfish this last time; he didn’t want to die alone, he’s been alone for so long already. And as he waits there, realization dawns on the brunette, that no one was coming, that his time was up and he didn’t deserve to have his brothers or boyfriend by his side. Kyung wanted laugh, he honestly did, but breathing was hard enough as it was, and he didn’t want to make his death any more painful. Even though he was literally sitting on his deathbed, Kyung’s mind still wandered to his boyfriend. He guesses it must really be true when your life flashes before your eyes in the brink of death, because he only recalls fond memories with blonde.

  
Kyung’s tears stop then. His eyes are so heavy, he doesn’t even feel the pain anymore, just this overpowering need to sleep. There’s shouting again somewhere but even that gets filtered out. Kyung was trying to stay awake, but he was done with trying; from experience, it never got him anywhere. So with one last breath, he finally closes his eyes.  _You're a liar, Jiho_ ,  Kyung thinks before completely succumbing to the darkness. And then, he felt nothing.


	9. NOT A CHAPTER: Hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the note although it is not a chapter. Thank you!

I'm really sorry this isn't a chapter and I really hate to inform you that I will be on an indefinite hiatus. I'm sorry that this is happening right now, especially on such cliffhanger. But my younger brother has passed away the other day and I'm just not ready to continue this story just yet. FEAR NOT THO my wonderful subscribers, I do not plan on leaving this story unfinished! So until then, please tell your family members how much you love them and if you are ever having a hard time or struggling with anything, just talk, please talk to someone. I may not know any of you but know that someone cares and someone loves you, and all of yalls can consider author-nim as one of those people. Happy Holidays and until next time~

Best wishes,  
Mindy ❤️


	10. It's Your Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back from my Hiatus. Hopefully I get more opportunities to write but i literally have an essay due every night :( I will do my best though and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

_ “I can’t do this anymore, Jiho. I don’t even know who you are anymore.” _

 

And as Kyung takes off, the rest of the group-mates can do nothing but stare helplessly on what has transpired. They are each reeling on how such an innocent occasion could turn so wrong, with hurtful words being said on both ends, so quickly. 

 

Even as they hear the door slam shut behind them, the members remain still. It’s not until Zico’s phone begins vibrating mockingly again that everyone finally snaps back to reality.

 

Yukwon was the first to blow, storming up to Jiho, standing so close that their noses nearly touched.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! I cannot fucking believe you, Ji,” the dancer snarls angrily. 

 

The leader simply glares down at the elder and shoves him back before turning around and walking back towards his mixer. As he places a headset around his neck, the blonde nonchalantly says, “As I said, I really don’t have time for this right now. I seriously need to get this song done and if none of you are going to help, I suggest you follow suit after Kyung and- HEY!”

 

Zico doesn’t even get to finish his sentence as Jaehyo rips the headset away, fuming with his own discontent at the leader’s actions. “ ‘Don’t have time?’ ‘Don’t have time?!’ Well you’re gonna have to make some time because we are going to talk, and we are going to talk NOW,” the visual booms.

 

Pissed off, Zico faces Jaehyo, and as the two square each other off, Minhyuk breaks the tension. “Enough! Before any of us discuss the…  _ problems,”  _ he carefully emphasizes the word, “that we’ve been having lately, someone needs to go after Kyung. It’s getting dark outside and he is not in the right mindset to be wandering the streets alone.”

 

The members wince, remembering the last time Kyung was left outside and alone to the monsters in his mind. “I’ll go find him,” the giant maknae offers. With an approving nod from both Minhyuk and Taeil, Jihoon glares accusingly at their leader before taking his leave.

 

“Now that that is taken care of… Jiho, we really do need to talk,” Minhyuk declares. The remaining Block B members frown agreeingly towards the blonde. 

 

Realizing that being defiant was going to get him nowhere, Zico sighs and takes a seat, rubbing his fingers against his temple. “Fine. What is this all about?”

 

The kitty scoffs, unimpressed. “ _ This _ ,” he stretches his arms dramatically forward, “is about how you have been a sorry excuse for a leader: ignoring our messages and phone calls, spending time away from the people you considered family at some point, ditching your boyfriend, which just so happens to be degrading himself just because you treat him like a goddamn burden. And, oh yeah, did I mention setting aside your own group to advance your own fucking career?”

 

The younger’s face becomes red with fury as he stands up, jabbing his finger on the dancer’s chest. “I am working myself half to death for you guys! You all should know that better than anyone else. And if that means promoting myself so that we get more acknowledgement, then that is just something you guys are going to have to fucking deal with.”

 

“That’s the thing, Jiho,” Taeil pipes from the doorway, tranquil as ever. If anything, he looked a little disappointed. “We shouldn’t have to deal with something like this. I am proud of you and your solo career,  we all are honestly. You are a fantastic producer, and some of your songs are truly only meant to be shared by you. But don’t use us as an excuse to promote yourself. If we wanted more recognition, we could’ve, no, should’ve done it together, as a team instead.”

 

“You’re wrong though, hyung! God, you guys just don’t see the bigger picture here,” Jiho aggravatingly says. The others stay silent, willing him to continue. 

 

“I bust my ass day in and day out. Kyung and I had a plan, alright. As soon as I finished my tour, we would have a comeback and show the world how resilient Block B is. With the ongoing media coverage, we would finally get the recognition the we, that you all deserve. Yeah. the promotions and tour took a bit longer than I expected, but it would be worth it in the end. Because at the end of the day, no matter how little sleep I got, no matter how little I ate, no matter how absolutely drained I became, my brothers and I could say that  **_we made it_ ** .”

 

Jiho pants after revealing all that information in one breadth. It actually takes the remaining 4 members a moment to absorb everything. However, Minhyuk speaks up, “I’m sorry that we failed to see just how hard you worked for our sake.” 

 

The blonde sneers, about to make a snide comment, yet the ebony haired man continues. “But did the thought ever occur to you that maybe this is not what we wanted? Did you ever even ask us if this was the way we wanted to advance ourselves in the industry?” 

 

Jiho looks at the elder surprisingly, completely caught off guard by the questions. “...I-I.”

 

“The answer is no, Jiho,” Minhyuk answers. “ What is the point of doing all of this if you’re killing yourself, if your members are unhappy, if your boyfriend is stressed to the point of breaking?” Minhyuk looks at their leader desperately for answers. “It’s not worth it, Ji. Because if we hate each other, making us hate our jobs, which is entertaining, then we haven’t made it at all. I love you like my own brother, and I couldn’t be any happier that you managed to be this successful on your own. But open your eyes and stop denying it; what you’re doing isn’t for us, it hasn’t been for a long time now.”

 

A silence rests uncomfortably among the 5 in the studio as Jiho thinks, and actually begins contemplating his actions in the past year.  _ Have I really been doing this for myself? I mean, I’ve worked non stop for this long already… But who was I actually beating my ass for? _

 

And realization finally sets in for the young leader. He was so caught up in the frenzy of being in the spotlight, that he didn’t notice that it wasn’t about his members anymore; it was how  _ he _ could remain relevant. 

 

All this time, he told himself that it was his groupmates that was his motivation, but his selfishness was what caused all the problems. He forgot what it meant to be a leader, he forgot what it meant to be a team. And that forgetfulness eventually led to resentment towards his own members, because he felt like it was their fault for all his trouble and strain. Yet he didn’t realize that he was not only inflicting pain on himself, but for the people he initially did all this for.

 

A tear actually slips from the corner of Jiho’s eyes suddenly. And just as he was about to admit to the others about his revelations, Beast’s “YeY” begins playing in the once silent room. The tense silenece is interrupt but surprised stares. Jaehyo shuffles around for his cell phone bashfully, pulling it from his jean pocket. “Sorry, it’s Jihoonie.” 

 

“Oh, did he find the cucumber yet,” Yukwon asks as the visual answers the call. Jaehyo’s facial expression suddenly turns worried as he lifts a finger, shushing the the kitty.

 

“Jihoon, calm down. I can’t underst- HOON! I can’t make out what you’re saying!” Everyone listens intently, their own worry seeping in at the panic of Jaehyo’s voice. “WHAT?! Oh my god! How the hell did this happen?!”

 

Minhyuk motions for the visual to sit down; Jaehyo, himself, looks like he is about to have a heart attack. “What’s going on, Jae,” Taeil inquires anxiously.

 

“Is he okay though… I mean did you see- Okay! Okay! Calm down, Hoonie. We’ll be right there, just send me the address. Alright, we’ll meet you at the hospital.”

 

As Jaehyo finishes the call, the others’ eyes widen as they simultaneously yell, “HOSPITAL?” The visual only clutches the phone on his lap, lips trembling as tears begin to slip from his eyes. Jiho kneels down in front of the elder, not wanting to startle the other. He places his hands on the singer’s shoulders tenderly, grabbing his attention. “Hyung, what happened,” he commanded more than asked.

 

Jaehyo doesn’t even look at the other, staring holes into his phone, impatiently waiting for the text. “Kyung… Kyunggie..huh. He got into a c-car accident,” he says in between hiccups. “Ji-jihoon said it was, huh, b-bad. There was a lot.. huh.. Of blood a-and he wasn’t b-breathing…” And that was it before Jaehyo’s whimpers turn into loud uncontrolled weeps.

 

Jiho brings the elder’s face down to the crook of his neck, shielding him away from the others. Consumed with his own concern, the blonde still manages a “Shhh. It’ll be okay, Jaehyo hyung.” He pats the man’s back soothing his cries. “Minhyuk hyung, get the car started. I need you to call the managers also, Taeil hyung. Yukwon and I will bring Jaehyo to the car once he sobers up a bit. Then we’ll all head to the hospital, got it?”

 

The members simply nod, and do what they’re told. A ping draws Jiho’s attention back to his crying hyung. “Hey, I need you to calm down for me, hyung. I think Jihoon just sent you the address and we’re going to need you to navigate. Can you do that for me?”

 

Jaehyo rubs at his eyes harshly and takes a deep breath. And as he lets it out, he looks up fiercely. “Of course I can,” he declares in a raspy voice. Yukwon and Zico both smile at their hyung’s motivation, and the trio makes their way to the vehicle downstairs.

 

~~~~~ b r e a k ~~~~~

 

The 5 members race to the front desk of the hospital as soon as the car is parked. Zico slams his hands in the counter loudly, scaring the receptionist at the front. “Umm, hello sir. How may I help you,” she asks with an displeases tone, but the blonde couldn’t bring himself to be angry.

 

“We are here to see Park Kyung. He was brought here not too long ago,” the Block B leader says impatiently.

 

The worker simply shrugs, completely ignoring the panic spread amongst the boys. “Please give me a moment while I check for the patient,” she says as she calmly returns her focus back on the computer screen.

 

“No! We know he’s here alright. We just need to see him,” Yukwon says angrily.

 

“I am going to need you men to calm down or take a seat just like everyone else here,” the receptionist says snarkily, waving them off as she types into her keyboard. Yukwon is literally about to pounce at the woman before Zico stops him, shaking his head in warning. The kitty only crosses his arms and huffs in annoyance.

 

It only takes a short moment before the lady speaks up again. “Ah yes, Park Kyung was it? He’s currently in the ER undergoing surgery. I’m sorry, but are you all family?”

 

Jaehyo’s mouth drops, “Does she seriously not know who we are?” Minhyuk only smacks him lightly on the shoulder, mouthing, “Not the time.”

 

The blonde doesn’t hear the conversation behind him though as he answers her quickly. “No ma’am. My name is Woo Jiho and the guys behind me are his bandmates. We got a call from our youngest about Kyung being in an accident s we ca-”

 

“Did you say Woo Jiho? You’re listed here as his priority contact. Sorry we did not notify you earlier, but you all may follow me towards the waiting room now,” she interjects.

 

The blonde momentarily pauses. _What? You put me on your emergency contact, Kyung?_ _You still kept me on there after all this time._ Seeing his hesitation, the receptionist asks, “Is something wrong Mr. Woo?”

 

“Ah no. Sorry, let’s go,” he says briskly. “Then this way, gentlemen,” the woman leads lazily.

 

As the group rounds the corner, the sight of a familiar man sitting alone on a chair catches Taeil’s eye. “Jihoon!” The eldest shouts. Hearing his name, the giant maknae looks up with red puffy eyes. Recognizing his members, Jihoon runs to meet them, “Hyungs!”

 

“Please stay quiet as the operation room is being occupied,” the receptionist reprimands irritated. The members simply glare at her as the engulf their maknae in protective hugs.

 

The woman actually rolls her eyes before continueing. “Please wait in this area here until the doctor comes. The restroom is down the hall to the left along with the refreshments on the opposite end. The surgery may take a few hours so please make yourselves comfortable. If you have any other questions, the front desk is behind those doors near the entrance from which you came from.” The woman repeats the script she most likely was forced to memorize before returning to her post.

 

“I hate her,” Yukwon says as soon as she disappears behind the corridor. His comment goes unheard  though as Taeil looks fretfully over Jihoon’s shaken form. “Common Hoon, let’s sit back down,” Taeil encourages.

 

Once everyone takes a seat, Zico and Minhyuk preferring to stand, Taeil asks,”What happened, Hoonie?” The maknae takes a sharp intake of air, but sighs defeatedly. The rest of the members move in closer to hear the unusually downcast boy.

 

“I don’t even remember too much, honestly,” the monkey begins. “After I left the studio, I remember thinking how in the world I was going to find Kyung hyung in such a big city like Seoul. So I went around for a few minutes asking people if they had seen a short male around my age with brown hair wearing an oversized red sweater. But no one seemed to have paid attention or seen him so I was left to wander the streets again. It was actually pretty hard since some fans still noticed me even with the mask”

 

“And then what,” Minhyuk pushes.

 

“I don’t know how much time passed but all of a sudden there were police cars zooming down the street! There was an ambulance and a fire truck close behind and sirens were just blaring so loudly. And I don’t know… I just had this terrible feeling, like something bad just happened, but.. I don’t know. I just felt this strange force that made me follow the direction of the sirens.”

 

Jaehyo looked up sympathetically, “Jihoon…”

 

“Yeah, it was pretty weird. And the closer I got to the accident site, the more my stomach twisted. There was already a crowd of people and caution tape was put up. I saw this car in the middle of the road, the front window was completely shattered and there were tire marks on the gravel. And I remember wishing that the driver wasn’t hurt, but then..then I saw  _ him _ .”

 

The 5 boys didn’t need to ask to know that “him” was their precious Kyung. Minhyuk lends the maknae some tissues as his eyes start watering and his hands start shaking. “It’s okay, Jihoon,” Jaehyo hushes as he and Taeil rub soothing circles in his back.

 

“H-he was so small… and he looked so b-broken. His body was bent weirdly and there was s-so much blood. God, there was so much b-blood, Hyung. I don’t even remember how it happened but I was right beside him in a second. People were trying to pull me away but I just kept screaming at Kyung hyung to wake up! He didn’t even flinch, hyung… he l-looked so dead…”

 

“How did you get here then, Jihoon,” Jiho asks.

 

The maknae rubs his eyes tiredly. “One of the paramedics recognized me and Kyung so she told the others to back off. She said I could stay, but I had to keep out of the way of the professionals. But it was so hard to watch, you know?”

 

Jihoon doesn’t really ask anyone in particular, more so comforting himself, but the others nod in understanding anyway. “I didn’t really know what was happening in the vehicle, but a lot of it sounded like the movies. I could… I could tell they were losing him. Everyone was screaming at the same time! I don’t even know how they managed to get everyone out of the ambulance and in here.”

 

The 5 members listen intently, understanding their maknae’s incomprehensible state of mind. “I ran after them of course, when they were pushing Kyung hyung towards the emergency room. But one of the nurses pushed me back, telling me that I had to stay here and wait. So I guess this is where I’ve been this entire time…”

 

Taeil hands Jihoon another tissue. “Good job, Hoon. You did se well,” he says proudly.

 

“B-but Kyung hyung…” The maknae reminds.

 

“It’s okay Jihoon. You did what you could and now he’s getting the help he needs. Thank you for being there when we couldn’t.” Zico pats the younger’s shoulder affectionately.

 

And that seemed like the cue to completely set their youngest off. His small hiccups turned into heart wrenching sobs as tears pooled down his face. “I’m scared, hyungs!” he pulls both Jaehyo and Taeil towards himself as he cries in between them.

 

The members let their youngest wail, feeling sympathetic that he was the one who found their little cucumber in such a state. They huddle close together, attempting to comfort one another by just being there, being alive, unhurt, and present.

 

As soon as his cries died down into small mewls, and then into soft snores, Yukwon asks their leader, “So what do we do now, Ji?”

 

4 pair of eyes look up at him, almost pleadingly for guidance in this situation. And truthfully, for once in his life, Jiho didn’t really know what to say or what to do to ease their worry. Because he was honestly just as concerned, if not more, than they were of the brunettes state.

 

So he simply settles for, “We do what you all of him been doing for so long now. We wait.”

 

~~~~~ b r e a k ~~~~~

 

And waiting they did, well into the night. The managers arrived earlier but left as soon as it hit midnight. Nurses and doctors came by occasionally to check on the members, some even encouraging them to go home for some rest; but it all reached deaf ears as the boys continued to wait for the outcome of their friend’s surgery.

 

When it finally reached the eighth hour into the operation, everyone but Zico had fallen asleep. 

 

He fondly smiled at the 5 members in front of him: Jihoon was snoring loudly in between Taeil and and Jaehyo, drool slipping out of his open mouth as his head lays soundly on the eldest’s shoulder. Taeil himself is leaning against the back of the uncomfortable chair, head resting on top of the younger’s head. Jaehyo is just as loud as Jihoon is, leaning his body completely against the maknae.

 

Jiho then looks to his left, Minhyuk, as composed as ever, sleeps silently upright, arms crossed tightly against his chest as his head lolls forward, heavy breaths coming in and out through his nose. The leader chuckles lightly at the sight of Yukwon to his right. The kitty is literally sprawled over his seat. One leg rests on the ground while the other finds itself stretched across the other chair. He has one hand clasped around the arm of the chair and the other lain over the headrest as his head falls back, saliva bubble formed on his lips.

 

The leader to is about to close his eyes and fall asleep when the red operating sign turns green and he hears some shuffling. The noise wakes the other members up as they groggily stretch out their sore limbs and rub at their tired eyes.

 

Soon, a tall man in scrubs walks out searching for the groupmates. When he spots, he begins to take off his mask and offers them a comforting smile.

 

“Hello. You must be his bandmates. My name is Dr. Song Eunho, I am the surgeon that was in charge of Park Kyung’s operation.” The doctor offers his hand forward.

 

The members shuffle around their leader as Zico shakes the man’s arm. “Hi. I’m Woo Jiho and these are the rest of the members. How is he?”

 

“Is he going to be alright,” Jaehyo adds.

 

“Are any of the injuries permanent?” Minhyuk’s eyes furrow worriedly.

 

“Is he awake? Can we see him now,” the maknae pipes in.

 

“And how long is he going to be here for?” Yukwon looks pleadingly at the doctor.

 

“Can we stay with him,” Taeil requests.

 

Dr. Song sighs sympathetically. These boys have been here all night having no idea what was going on or happening to their close friend. “I understand that all of you are worried sick, but I am here to inform you that although we did have to resuscitate him twice, the operation was successful. He is even breathing on his own now.”

 

A heavy is lifted off all of their shoulders as they breath in a sigh of relief. But the fact that Kyung’s heart did stop momentarily, not only once but  _ twice _ scared the hell out of all them. They were so scared of losing him, and the did for a short time before he came back to them; Kyung was no doubt a fighter, they all knew.

 

“I know this could be a lot to take in right now but I also have a report that I must inform Mr. Woo Jiho of privately,” Dr. Song interrupts softly.

 

“No. Anything you tell me, you can tell them also, Docter. We are family.”

 

Dr. Song nods approvingly. “Well, Mr. Park’s injuries were quite extensive. He must’ve fallen on his left side because that is where most of the injuries are. He has multiple bone fractures. Two on his left ankle and tibia. There were damages to his left humerus and clavicle also. He has severely sprained his wrist and shoulder in several areas which we are keeping casted. There will be some heavy bruising especially near his abdominal where to 3 ribs broke. One of them punctured his long so we had to reset it and close the wound.”

 

The Doctor looks up warily at the state of the 6  boys before continuing. “The injury that we are most concerned about, however, is his head. The impact was intense and there was internal bleeding. As you all should know, the brain is the most complicated and complex organ to operate on so it took us a while to assess the problem. The bleeding has stopped but we still do not know the extent of the damage since Mr. Park is still unconscious. We’ve taken and MRI of his head and everything seems to look normal as of right now.”

 

The words slowly sunk into the members. There relief short-lived as the doctor informed them of the full extent of their cucumber’s injuries. Jaehyo and Jihoon’s eyes fill with tears again. Even their collected Minhyuk scrunches up his face regretfully.

 

“Hey guys, don’t cry! See, the Doc said Kyung’s going to be alright,” Yukwon tries seeing as his members are a bit shaken by the news.

 

“Yeah! Kyung’s not even awake yet. He’s been so strong, don’t give up on him now!” Taeil softly chides the younger members.

 

It seemed to work as they all give each other weak but encouraging smiles.

 

“I can see you all are very close with the patient,” Dr. Song notices, “Mr. Park is currently resting in the Intensive Care Unit so we can closely monitor his progress. Since it is already so late I can only let one of you in there at a time.”

 

“But!” They all interject.

 

The doctor holds out a hand though, “I’m sorry, I know you gentlemen are worried, but those are the hospital rules.”

 

Jiho looks back at his groupmates and bows. The rest of the Block B members stare surprisingly at their leader. “Yah! What are you doing, Jiho,” Minhyuk asks.

 

With his head still bowed, eyes looking down, Jiho says, “I know I haven’t been a good leader or friend lately. And you all have every right to be with him in that room, but please… please my stay with him tonight.”

 

The hall became silent. The bandmates look at their leader sympathetically. Of course everyone felt their own guilt with the situation at hand, but none of them thought that anyone felt any guiltier than Jiho did. So with a reassuring pat on his shoulder, Minhyuk nods.

 

“Of course, Jiho. We’ll come by first thing in the morning,” the dancer informs.

 

And with that, the members take their leave after thanking the doctor and hugging their leader soothingly. 

 

“Well then, please follow me, Mr. Woo,” Dr. Song begins.

 

“Ah, Jiho is fine Doctor,” the blonde kindly corrects.

 

“Okay Jiho, Mr. Parks room is right this way.”

 

The two men make their way down the hall wordlessly. Dr. Song, familiar with the anxiety felt by loved ones of a patient simply says nothing and Zico find comfort in the silence, giving him time to prepare himself.

 

The seconds ticked by like hours and the farther they went into the building, the more nervous the blonde got. All the corridors looked the same and they passed so many of them with loud beeping machines. With the late night silence creeping in and the filtering buzz of the white lights, the place reeked of death, something that he  _ never _ wanted to associate with his bright and bubbly boyfriend.

 

Jiho’s mind reeled back at the thought.  _ No, what am I thinking. Kyung is alive, the doctor even said so. _ The blonde stopped for a moment to calm himself before continue to follow the doctor, albeit with faster steps.

 

The two of them stopped having finally arrived at the door. To the right of the door, Jiho could read the words on the placard:

 

**ICU Room: 103**

**Patient:** **Park Kyung**

 **Sex: Male** **Age: 24**

 

“Now, I must remind you,” the doctor’s voice draws, “he is very weak so please do not disturb his rest. Although it is unlikely for the next few days, if Mr. Park does wake up, there is large red button to the left side of his bed. A nurse will come right in. Have a good night Jiho and please try to get some sleep.”

 

The Block B leader nods his head dumbly, just wanting to enter the room already. Dr. Song smiles and pats his shoulders. People are doing that a lot to him lately he thinks. “It will be okay, Jiho,” the doctor says before turning and leaving down the hall.

 

Now that he’s alone, Jiho takes a few deep breaths preparing himself before actually opening the door to Kyung’s room. And as he walked in, he discovered that he wasn’t prepared at all.

 

Nearly every visible part of the brunette was covered in white bandages. His left arm and leg were casted and propped up by large intimidating strings. Kyung was wearing a hospital gown, but the gauze around his neck and most likely wrapping all the way down his torso was still noticeable through Zico’s scrutinizing eyes. The other side of his body didn’t fair much better. The blonde cringed at seeing the dark yellow and purple bruises that had shown through the transparency of the cotton.

 

Kyung’s face, however, said it all. His face was slightly swollen from the impact. Tiny scrapes and and bandages were littered across the sleeping boy’s face. A tube went inside each of his nostrils remind Jiho of the severity of the accident. Even with the swelling, Kyung still looked to thin. His pale skin pulled around his cheekbones and chin, making his features seem sharp. Another strip of gauze was wrapped securely around his head multiple times.

 

And even in this state, Jiho still found Kyung to be beautiful. It might have been the soft lighting of the moon that gently caressed his face, but the blonde couldn’t help note how absolutely peaceful the other looked. His ethereal beauty was a stark contrast to the red, fuming face with fat tears streaming down it, that Jiho saw only hours before. 

 

A dry chuckle leaves his mouth as makes his way towards his boyfriend. Jiho pulls a chair up to the bed so that he is near enough to hold the brunette’s only available hand. He mindlessly plays with the fingers, noticing the dirt still caked under them, but the blonde couldn’t find it in himself to care.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

 

The first tear rolls down his face. And then another. And another. And another.

 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

 

Jiho’s face scrunches in pain as the tears continue to flow from his eyes.

 

“This is all my fault. I should’ve never left you.”

 

His hands tighten around the smaller one and squeezes as if his life depended on it.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kyunggie. Please come back to me.  _ Please. _ ” he cries.

  
The blonde continued to whisper apology after apology until he had fallen asleep. The only noise in the room is Jiho’s uneven breadths and the mocking beeps of the heart monitor.


	11. Let's Start Over Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know it's been like over half a year... I have no legitimate excuse. Only that college is kicking my ass and I literally only had 2 weeks of summer. I can't say sorry enough! I won't promise any updates soon because life happens, but I will promise y'all that I will try to update in a more timely manner. Thank you for sticking with me this long, you honestly don't know how much it means to me. As always, I don't have a beta so please bare with the mistakes. Good reading~

47 days. 1,128 hours. 67,680 minutes. Yet, the second Zico wasn’t there, was the time Kyung’s eyes finally opened. Light bleared through his unfocused eyes, causing the brunette to squeeze them shut. Taking a few breaths, he tries to open them again, blinking a couple times to clear his vision. 

 

Kyung registers several people in the small, pale room, a hospital room he notes. His eyes, however, are drawn to a figure who seems to be speaking to an elderly doctor. It is then that Dr. Song notices his patient. He looks in shock.

 

Minhyuk turns around to see what caught the doctor’s attention, only to be greeted by a dazed Kyung. “Oh my god, Kyung!” He shouts. The other members in the room quickly forget what they’re doing and rush to the bedside as soon as the words leave Minhyuk’s mouth. 

 

Everyone is shouting at the same time, asking if the cucumber is alright, spewing words of apologies, and the maknae even cries. But there is only ringing in Kyung’s ears, the heart monitor spikes, and his breathing becomes labored. A panic attack developing.

 

Dr. Song pushes the boys away from the frail boy, “Please back away and give him some space!”

 

Scared for their sub-leader, the members reluctantly shuffle back, making way for the doctor. Dr. Song gently places his hands on the brunettes shoulders, speaking softly as to not startle the poor boy. “Kyung-ssi, I am going to count to 10. Take deep breath with every number,” he says firmly.

 

Said patient looks straight at the doctor, gradually hearing and following his order.

 

_ Inhale. _ “One.”  _ Exhale. _

 

_ Inhale. _ “Two.”  _ Exhale. _

 

_ Inhale. _ “Three.”  _ Exhale. _

 

By the time Dr. Song reaches 10, Kyung is exhausted, easing back into his pillow. “Great job, Kyung,” The doctor smiles. “My name is Song Eunho. I am the doctor in charge of you. Please let me know if you are feeling any discomfort.”

 

Kyung opens his mouth to reply, but coughs roughly. “Here, drink this,” Jaehyo offers. The brunette manages to tilt his head back enough for the elder to bring fresh water to his lips. After a few greedy gulps, Jaehyo pulls the bottle away, not wanting his dongsaeng to upset choke. 

 

Kyung wipes the remanence of liquid away from his mouth and smiles shyly at the doctor. “E-excuse me. Thank you for taking care of me, Doctor,” the patient says.

 

“Aish, it is my job, Kyung-ssi. Now, if you are up for it, I would like to ask you a few questions,” the doctor says, already grabbing his clipboard from the table. Kyung simply nods, fiddling with the hem of his hospital gown as everyone’s attention focuses on him.

 

“Firstly, you do not have to answer if you do not want to or if you cannot remember. Don’t force yourself since you have only just woken up,” Dr. Song informs. Another nod from the patient and the doctor continues.

 

“What is your full name and your date of birth?”

 

“I’m Park Kyung and I was born on July 8th, 1992.”

 

“Good. Are you feeling any pain and if so, how much and where?”

 

“I’m okay right now…” Kyung says, but under the critical eyes of the 5 boys in the room, the brunette continues. “I am f-feeling a little sore in my left shoulder and leg though.”

 

“That is normal. If it becomes too painful, let me know and I will increase the dosage of your pain medication.” Kyung smiles gratefully, but shakes his head indicating that he truly was fine for now.

“Okay, now lastly, do you know why you are here, Mr. Park?”

 

Kyung takes a moment to remember what happened before he woke up. “Umm..I-I..” He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the memories to come back.

 

“No, it’s okay. Don’t push yourself too much. If you can’t remember, that is completely fine,” the doctor offers kindly.

 

The brunette opens his eyes, pulling up a blank. “I’m sorry Doctor. But I can’t seem to recall anything,” he pouts.

 

“I see. Well, Mr. Park, you were admitted here after being in a serious vehicular accident.” Dr. Song looks up from his clipboard allowing his patient a moment to absorb the information. Once it is clear that the brunette won’t have another panic attack, the doctor continues.

 

“The soreness you are feeling is coming from multiple fractures that occurred upon impact. Although none of the injuries will leave permanent damage, there will be some scarring. What we were most concerned about was your head. There was a lot of bleeding but we took care of it to the best of our abilities.”

 

“I-I don’t know what to say. I can’t thank you enough, Doctor. You saved my life.”

 

“Oh please. I was only doing my job, it was not a problem at all,” Dr. Song grins. “Now, do you remember who these people are,” he asks, pointing to the 5 boys in the room.

 

There is a moment of silence as the Block B members hold their breaths, waiting for the cucumber to reply. Kyung looks confusedly at the doctor which causes the boys to panic.

 

“Of course I do,” the brunette says as if it was the most absurd question he’s ever hear. “They’re my bandmates,” he smiles, “my precious brothers.”

 

An audible sigh of relief can be heard from all 5 members. Cautiously, Jihoon approaches his small hyung, and collapses onto the being, tears streaming down his face. “Kyungie-hyung! I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so scared,” the maknae wails, arms circling his hyung’s small waist.

 

Kyung winces at the impact, bringing a hand to rub soothing circles onto the monkey’s back. “Ahh, I’m sorry Hoonie. I’ve been such a bad hyung, worrying you like this,” he says softly.

 

“I thought you were never going to wake up,” Jihoon says, squeezing the elder harder. Hearing the cucumber whimper, Taeil pulls the maknae back by the collar of his shirt. “Uwah, hyung!” The monkey protests.

 

“Can’t you see you’re hurting him, you clueless giant!” The oldest member scolds. Jihoon looks back, noticing how tired and pained the smaller boy looked. “Mianhae, hyungie,” he apologizes.

 

Kyung waves the apology off, offering a faint smile. “It’s okay, Jihoon. Guess I’m still recovering from the accident. How long was I out?”

 

“Over a month now, Kyung,” Yukwon supplies.

Kyung’s eyes widen. “What…”

 

The room grows quiet. Minhyuk steps in, a supportive hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “You went into surgery right after the accident. The doctors and nurses did what they could but not even they knew when or if you were going to wake up,” the singer informs.

 

“Yeah, you took a pretty hard hit to the head, kid,” Yukwon adds unhelpfully.

 

The injured member slumps on his bed, teeth gnawing his bottom lip nervously, still processing the information. “I-...But what about the press and the fans? Our schedules? Do my parents know?”

 

“Don’t you worry a pretty hair about that,” Jaehyo cheerfully takes a seat on the bedside. “Everything is properly taken care. We informed your parents when your condition stabilized and they came to visit many times already. We just need you to rest up and get better.” Confirming nods make their way around the occupants of the room.

 

“I guess you’re right,” Kyung shyly smiles. He then sits up straight and bows to the people in the room. “Thank you everyone for taking care of me. I will do my best to be healthy once again.” There is a brief silence, everyone a little shocked by the formality. 

 

Yukwon shoves the brunette’s shoulder playfully though. “Yah! You act like we had a choice, brat.” Laughter quickly fills the room.

 

“Ehem,” Dr. Song excuses himself to gain their attention. “Well, it seems to me that you are doing just fine, Kyung. I will let you rest up a bit and would like to take a few more tests when you’re feeling stronger.”

 

“Yes, of course. Thank you so much, Doctor,” Kyung bows.

 

“Not a problem at all,” the doctor says before leaving.

 

As the members catch up and fuss about their injured cucumber, Minhyuk makes his way outside, closing the door softly. He scrolls through his phone and taps on the first person on his contacts. A voice answers after only a beep.

 

Minhyuk smiles. “Hey Ji, he’s finally awake.”

 

~~~~ b r e a k ~~~~

 

Jiho quite literally drops everything as soon as Minhyuk informs him of Kyung’s condition. His chopsticks clang to the floor, fried rice left half eaten as he rushes out the door with his keys. “Go home and shower, Jiho-yah,” he mocks Taeil’s words as he unlocks his car. “Kyung will still be here when you get back,” Jiho continues in pitched voice.

 

The engine roars as he drives out of the parking structure. “Out of all the times they tell me to leave,” he swears to no one in particular. 

 

Halfway to the floral shop, the blonde leader spots a floral shop. He slows down the pace and parks, quickly placing a mask over his face as to not draw attention to himself, before exiting the car. 

 

He browses through the selection, stopping at a pretty pink bouquet, intricately adorned with cherry blossoms. He picks the arrangement up, smiling fondly to himself as memories of the flowers resurface. “Perfect,” he mutters.

 

He goes to reang up at the register. The worker doesn’t even spare the idol a glance as she takes the bouquet and scans the tag. “That will be $34.94, sir,” she says annoyingly. Jiho take out his card ready to swipe, when the girl finally looks up.

 

“Will that be debit or cred- Oh my god! Zico?!”

 

Said idol winces as the cashier’s voice raises. He puts a finger to his mouth to shush the fangirl. She nods dumbly and takes the blonde’s card, barely containing her own squeals. She returns the flowers and the card with trembling hands.

 

“Thank you so much, Z-zico Oppa. P-please come again,” she says shyly. Said blonde quickly signs a piece of paper, leaving with a wink.

 

He rushes back to the car, making his way towards the hospital. The blonde hums along to the end of a song on his playlist when the melody of a familiar tune rolls in. He glances down at the display on his dash, confirming his suspicions of the song name. “Harmonics - The Letter (Ft. Eline)” it says.

 

~ _ F L A S H B A C K ~ _

 

_ Kyung stands at the sink, washing vegetables contently. He smiles to himself because Jiho and him have finally made it.  _

 

_ After moving back to Seoul with his boyfriend, the two joined an entertainment company and were finally set to officially debut  in a few months. The company even graciously gave them a bedroom flat for the two to share.  _

 

_ Sure, the place was a bit small for 2 teenagers, and they didn’t always have hot water or stable electricity, and the wallpaper might be peeling off the sides if the drywall, but Kyung was happy. _

 

_ A loud crash followed by clattering glass brings the young brunette out of his reverie. Kyung quickly dries his hands on the apron around his waist as he rushes towards the duo’s shared bedroom.  _

 

_ He stops at the door, knocking on it gently. “Ji? Babe, can I come in?” Silence answers him, so the brunette pushes the door open and enters. _

 

_ Crumpled papers litter the floor. Empty coffee bottles occupy every available surface. Their wooden desk is flipped over, the lamp and pens knocked to the ground. And Jiho, Jiho sits on their bed, fingers attempting to rub the stress out of his eyes. _

 

_ Kyung makes his way over to his boyfriend, his soulmate, guiding through the mess on their floor before sitting beside the younger, pulling his head on his chest. _

 

_ “Hey there. What’s wrong, Jagi. You can talk to me,” he peaks softly on the younger’s temple. Jiho leans into the crook of the brunette’s neck and sniffs in his scent, calming his nerves immediately. _

 

_ “It’s just, I’ve been working all day on these lyrics and nothing is turning out right,” he confesses. “I mean we made it so far and it’s all going to shi because my mind is drawing a blank.” _

 

_ “Hey!” Kyung interrupts. “Don’t sell yourself short. We came back her with nothing but the clothes on our back and a mixtape. We are about to debut with this single because of you, Ji. We already produced the beat  last week and Hyungnim is giving us an entire month to come up with the lyrics. Stop stressing out so much,” Kyung chides softly. _

 

_ “Exactly,” Jiho mutters miserably. “It’s been a weeks and none of the lyrics sound good. I keep thinking our future is ending before it even begins…” _

 

_ The elder pulls Jiho’s head up so that they’re facing one another. “Even if this gig doesn’t work out, you still have me, alright? We’ll start over again, somewhere else, no biggie. I believe in you,” he smiles widely, which Jiho returns, ducking for a chaste kiss. “I know,” The younger answers, “I love you.” _

 

_ “You better, pabo,” Kyung says, flicking his forehead. “Now, show me what you have and let me see if I can help.” Jiho looks over the strewn papers on the ground before picking one up and smoothing out the wrinkles.  _

 

_ “It’s not the great and it’s just a draft, so don’t judge too harshly,” he chuckles embarrassingly. Kyung simply shakes his head, dismissing the comment entirely as he reads the sloppily written words. _

 

**_That you missed me, and that you love me_ **

**_That was all I wanted to hear_ **

**_If you come back to me, if you will hold me again_ **

**_All I need is for you to love me more than the pain I went through_ **

 

**_If you tell me that you love me_ **

**_Let’s start over again right now_ **

 

**_That you were happy with me, and that you missed me_ **

**_That was all I wanted to hear_ **

**_I’m able to withstand pain because I have you_ **

**_So come back to me if you love me_ **

 

_ Kyung’s finger traces of the letters of the words, a lump in his throat growing. “I umm, I just jotted down what I felt and don’t really know how to continue,” Jiho says defensively. _

 

_ “Ji… Is this about the time I was in America?” Said person simply shrugs bashfully. “Well, yeah,” he replied. “I thought it was fitting since we’re finally debuting together and all… This would be our song…” _

 

_ “Jiho,” Kyung begins, a tear trailing down his face, “The only real love in my heart, in this entire world, is you.” _

 

_ The gears in Jiho’s head began turning, and he smiles brightly. He smiles because he’s found his inspiration, sitting there on their worn mattress, brown hair sticking out at odd directions, drowning in his sweater, with a dirty apron tied around his waist. _

 

_ “Ha,” the younger laughs, swiping away the stray tear, “I like that.” _

 

_ ~ F L A S H B A C K ends ~ _

 

The last reminisce of the song slowly fades out as Jiho pulls into the parking lot of the hospital. He exits the car, flower arrangement in hand, feeling slightly guilty for forgetting such a memory. 

 

The blonde straightens out his coat and combs through his hair with more motivation. The past month gave Jiho time to reflect on his actions and come to terms with how it affected those closest to him. And he swore that  _ when _ Kyung woke up, things would change.

 

He would be a better leader, finding strength in his bandmates, a better boyfriend to the one person that has been with him through thick and thin, and he was ready to tackle the world again with his pseudo family.

 

When he enters, a familiar nurse welcomes him brightly. “Jiho-ssi! Did you hear the news?”

 

“Sure did! Thanks, Jiwon. I’m going to head up to his room now.”

 

“Good luck,” the young girl shouts as the elevator door shuts.

 

Jiho suddenly gets nervous, hands subconsciously fiddling with the two name tags around his neck. He’s been imaging this encounter for weeks, rehearsing the lines in the mirror and practicing taking off the necklace without it getting stuck around his ears, dumbly.

 

But as the elevator pings open, and he begins to make the trek down the corridor, his plans fade away, making room for the anxiousness filling his being.

 

He takes a moment outside the door, taking in a few breaths before entering.

 

All 6 members are present in the small hospital room. Minhyuk and Taeil are on either side of the bed, fondly watching the youngers speak animatedly. Jaehyo is positioned in an odd stance making a sour face that visuals should not be seen making, while Jihoon yells something towards the elder looking somewhat offended. Yukwon is leaning heavily on the patient, mouth open wide with sounds of laughter erupting.

 

And Kyung, he sits there still in his hospital gown and bandages, giggling also, hand covering his mouth with tears of joy glistening in his eyes.

 

The sound of the door opening directs everyone’s attention to the newcomer. Kyung’s eyes dart to Jiho as the man rushes over and engulf the smaller in a hug.

 

The other members make room for the duo to have their much need space. “Kyunggie, I missed you so much,” he chokes out willing his tears away. He pulls back only to shove the bouquet into the elder’s hands with a quick, “I got these for you.”

 

The members snicker at how awkward their leader was being but chose to remain quiet. Kyung looked at the flowers and opened his mouth to say something when Jiho began talking again.

 

“I know,” he cuts. “I know that I haven’t been there for you even though I promised and basically was acting out of line and like a jerk. But I wanted you to know that I plan on changing that. You, me, the guys, we’re in this together, Kyung. And I won’t ever leave again,” The blonde’s eyes shined with charisma and motivation.

 

“I…” Kyung starts. Everyone smiles and waits for the brunette to jump into the taller’s arm, spewing words of love and acceptance. Already expecting their makeshift family to return home with new and strengthened bonds. But he doesn’t do that.

 

Kyung looks up at Jiho confusedly, with a hint of fear in his eyes. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?”


End file.
